Down and Up



 I'm sure you've noticed I've been MIA--a blantant violation of my blog resolutions. I apologize, but I had a rough week. It invovled rejection e-mails, a migraine, and a poodle with pink eye--yeah, dogs can get pink eye, who knew?! So needless to say, I was in no condition to blog. Fast forward to the weekend, and I was in full recovery.  I got "over it" and I baked brownies for my Etsy shop (Thanks DFig & Maddy!), made waffles,  cleaned my apartment, caught up on my blogs, and was feeling like myself again. I was all ready to write up my Meatless Monday post Sunday evening, that is of course, until I watched my beloved Army Wives. If you don't watch this show, you should! If you do watch the show, then I'm sure you, too, were boohooing your eyes out for 60 consecutive minutes, just as I was. And when I say boohooing, I mean, BOOHOOING--like sobbing into my glass of wine! It's moments like these that I'm glad I live alone, because it was a bit embarrassing--except it wasn't, because even though the characters on the show are fictional, the storyline portrays the hard reality of our country's military families with powerful accuracy, and that in itself is worth a few tears. So it should come as no suprise that I was exhuasted from all the crying and the drinking wine with tears in it, and just couldn't get it together to write my blog post. I thought I could get up this morning and do it--but those of you who know me well are probably laughing at that notion--morning person I am NOT.

But what goes down must come up, and today I'm feeling better, and I owe that to a few special people out there.

Caramelized Onions

I find happy people to be bothersome and untrustworthy. By happy people, I'm not talking about well adjusted normal folks with pleasant dispositions and an optimistic outlook on life like you (and me??). Oh no, I'm talking about the type of  person who insists on being impossibly happy all. the. time. The type of person that obviously subscribes to an alternate reality where every one's a pony, and you can eat rainbows and poop butterflies. The type of person that just doesn't seem to know any emotion but up. I once knew a girl exactly like this who was in my college dance group. Hillary, you know who I'm talking about! She was the sweetest and happiest person I think I've ever known--and honestly, I wanted to slap her more often than not. It was just unnatural how happy and peppy she was. I'm convinced she was on uppers. True Story.

My problem with these "happy" people, is that they're extremists, and I think we all know that extremism is no bueno. They refuse to publicly acknowledge that feeling sad is part of the human experience, and would rather project some absurd facade of perpetual joy, than appropriately cope with the inevitable downs of life. I'm convinced these "happy" people are delusional, chemically dependent, and are definitely crazier than a barrel of monkeys. However, I also believe that bacon literally makes the world a better place, so I advise you to take my musings on the behaviors of others with a grain of salt. Preferably on the rim of a margarita glass. Ole!

Open for Business and BiWinning!

Teenagers are stupid. Like, scary stupid. Teen Mom may be the most disturbing program I've ever seen, and I watched both seasons of Flavor of Love, so that saying a lot. The epic fail on the part of everyone whose featured on this show literally makes me fear for the future. I need to call my mother and tell her how much I love her, and thank her for not failing me as a parent. Seriously. This morning, as I was watching the train wreck that is the lives of these terrifyingly stupid teen parents, I realized I'm probably witnessing the early years of future strippers and murders of America, and a chill ran down my spine. I shudder to think what happens when the cameras aren't rolling. But there is a moral to this story that goes beyond sex education, and a well deserved back-hand to the face of all of these girls--especially Jenelle (Jesus be a fence!). I've realized that while there are many things to be legitimately afraid of, like parenting teenagers, crossing the streets in Baltimore, and the Republican agenda to defund Planned Parenthood (obviously they haven't seen this show), a small business venture on Etsy really should not be one of them. With that said, I'm proud to announce that I am officially open for business on Etsy!



You can click on the above link, or the button on the side bar, and it will take you right to my shop, were you can place an order.

And for the giveaway winners... Thank you to everyone who entered.

The winner of the Brownies is Chavonne from Like It's Golden!
The winner of the Blondies is Fugitivwits!

Congrats to both of you. Inbox me your addresses, and do me the biggest favor and share them with people who have money to burn, and refer them to my shop :-) I've got some baking to do this weekend, will ship on Monday!

Meatless Monday: Broccoli A La Planxa



I have a confession to make. This recipe is a restaurant rip-off. While I wish I was blessed with the sort of creative genius that is the calling card of truly talented culinary artists, and the driving force behind the rapidly changing food and restaurant culture, I have come to accept the fact that I am creatively limited. But what I lack in originality and creativity, I more than make up for in culinary gumption and guile. While I have never tried to replicate a restaurant dish before, I have used other's recipes as inspiration for many of the dishes featured here on the blog--that is until now. Last weekend, I had dinner at Pazo, which is my favorite restaurant in Baltimore, and where I had my birthday dinner last year. I love this place for many reasons, the most important being the food--which is Mediterranean inspired, with heavy Spanish and Italian influence. One of my favorite items on the menus is the broccoli a la planxa, which is a simple dish of steamed broccoli with chili infused oil, a hint of garlic and lemon, and topped with pecorino cheese. You wouldn't think that such a humble dish would be something to write a blog post about, but this dish has held its own, and managed to remain on their vast and constantly changing tapas menu for several years. Yeah, it's good like that.

So last Monday, when I realized that a pound of broccoli and a few lemons had been sitting in my produce drawer for over a week, I knew I had to give this recipe a try--immediately. Miraculously, the broccoli was still in tip top shape--which is a little scary when I think about it--but I won't complain, since at least it wasn't money wasted. I didn't have chili infused oil or pecorino cheese, but I did have chili flakes, olive oil, and fresh Parmesan--which are staples I keep in my pantry at all times. I also don't have a vegetable steamer, but there's a reason for that--why steam when you can oven roast? I think you know where this is going...

Bourbon Vanilla Blondies + Giveaway= TGIF!

I don't know about you, but it's been quite a week for me. In the last five days, I have seriously considered quitting my job--twice, received my first acupuncture treatment, realized I have no choice but to pursue my plans for an Etsy shop lest I want to go to Spain with my old point n shoot, gotten about 20 hours of restful sleep, suffered through four nightmares, received my package for my CSN product review and found out that a 12" cast iron skillet is really fucking big, realized I lost my $10 bottle of mighty grip yet still attempted a pole split and didn't fall to my death (success pending on LOTS of stretching, mighty grip and a miracle), successfully made brownies and blondies of "insane greatness" and subsequently consumed half of each batch, thereby ingesting an estimated 3000 auxiliary calories that I'm sure will show up on my lower stomach three days before I leave for the beaches and men of Spain AND finally gave in to the feelings that I could no longer deny and admitted to myself and world via Facebook that I'm in love.........with Pauly D from Jersey Shore. Don't judge me.

So let's talk about those blondies. What's a blondie, you ask? Blondies are exactly what they sound like, which are a chocolate free, or "blonde" version of brownies. While a chocolate free version of any form of dessert may be considered sacrilege to some, it's a welcome variation on a American classic to others. I mean, even if you are a self proclaimed raging chocoholic connoisseur of fine cocoa based confections, can you really deny the awesomeness that results from combining browned butter is lust, brown sugar, bourbon, and vanilla extract?? I didn't think you could. Just admit it. It doesn't mean you love chocolate any less. I won't tell anyone. Scout's honor.



Beurre Noisette Brownies

Beurre Noisette (burr nwah-ZET):
-noun, French
a sauce of butter cooked until golden or toasty brown in color, producing a nutty aroma and flavor.

Buerre Noisette, or browned butter, is, as far as I'm concerned, the baking equivalent to rendered bacon fat.  An epicurean treasure of immeasurable value, it somehow makes the love that is butter even better, and could only have been gifted to the world by the French, who in my humble opinion, are the foremost authority on all things pastry and/or dessert. Don't believe me? Take a trip to Paris, and walk into any bakery or as they call them, patisserie shop, and tell me you don't want to eat everything you see. Or if you're fortunate enough to have an authentic patisserie shop nearby, you could just go there and order half a pound of raspberry macaroons and a pear tart resist the urge to order 1 of everything in the case. Bet you can't say that about your corner bakery. Don't get me wrong, I like desserts of many varieties and cultural origins, but nothing can hold a candle to French desserts. It is browned butter that was the key ingredient in this brownie recipe that ultimately convinced me to create my own shop on Etsy, and finally give life to my "side hustle" plans.

I wish I could say this recipe was an original creation, but I've already established that I'm no baking queen. However, I never met a recipe I couldn't alter, and contrary to popular belief, there is room for experimentation in baking, albeit not much. What changes did I make? Well if I told you, I'd have to kill you, and that wouldn't be good for business. Just know that these brownies were delicious perfection, and one lucky reader will be able to soon confirm that for free! But this isn't the giveaway post yet, this is just the teaser, cuz I'm a tease like that (but don't ask around to confirm that, lol). In the meantime, enjoy the gratuitous brownie making food porn

Sugar and Cocoa 

Chopped Walnuts

This is where the magic starts

A Glorious Beurre Noisette

As if I would let all that good go to waste 

Perfection!