Meatless Monday: Red Quinoa with Cumin Garlic Butter

{Source;This is what my photos should look like. Obvi, I've got lots of work to do}

I would like to introduce you to my new best friend in food, quinoa. I don't know about you, but I'm way late to this particular party [which is fairly standard for me]. It's not that I've never heard of quinoa, it's been on my radar for a while, but it never really occurred to me to actually eat it until recently--and by recently I mean at least two months ago when I had some at TJ's house during one of our many pole practices. TJ and I like to pole, then booze, then eat, then pole some more. It's easy to see why we're friends, no?

But before I continue, allow me to wear my "health educator" hat for a moment. Did you know that quinoa [pronounced keen-wah] is considered a super food? Quinoa is an ancient "grain" [it's not actually a grain, but is closely related to beets, spinach and tumbleweeds] that is high in complete protein, meaning in includes all nine essential amino acids. It's also a good source of fiber, manganese, magnesium, folate, and phosphorus, vitamin E, iron, and selenium--which according to various resources may be especially valuable for people who suffer from  migraines, diabetes, atherosclerosis, and weight control issues. That's pretty damn super.

HuffPo & Me!

GUESS WHAT?!

Arianna Huffington is my new bestie! Valentine's Day is in less than two weeks. I usually don't give a flying fork about Vday. I'm an army of 1+poodle, and can't really imagine having the time or patience for much else. But even if I did have a +1, I really wouldn't have anytime for him seeing as my brownies have been FEATURED ON THE HUFFINGTON POST!



pardon the bad editing of this screen shot

 THAT'S RIGHT!  About a week ago, an Etsy Admin member contacted me about a possible feature on the Huffington Post's Valentine's Day Gifts for Men, from Etsy guide. I kind of half believed it was a hoax, but seeing as how they didn't ask me for my social security number and weren't claiming to be one of my long lost cousins from Nigeria (which wouldn't really have worked on me, seeing as how I've actually spent time with good amount of my family in Nigeria) I responded to the email and provided the information they ask for, and told myself that nothing would come of it. I'm a pessimist in that way, tragic I know.

But wouldn't you know, as I was I checking my Etsy stats this morning, I saw a big spike in traffic, and sure enough the source was from the one and only Huffington Post. #O.M.G.

As you would imagine, I'm geekin' at my desk right now. And I'm also thinking of every way I can drive traffic to the article . I'm also freaking out a bit, and worrying that this will either be a bust for and result in 0 sales, or be an amazing success resulting in more sales than I have space in my kitchen to bake with.

Obviously, I have issues. But either way, this totally just made my Friday!

And I would be remiss if I say it. What are you getting YOUR guy from V-Day? Butter is Love and Browned Butter is Lust. True Story.

!Besos de Chocolate!

Spiced Butter Pork Ribs. Oh yes I did!

Oh yes I did, rub pork in spiced butter. AND WHAT, Paula?! I made these months ago and Chef Marcus Samuelsson made me do it! It was glorious and I would do it again, the same time next year! I only regret that I never got around to using the remaining spiced butter, before it started growing mold. For shame! I'll do better next time. Mark my words!

So I've had this Marcus Samuelsson cookbook since grad school, but up until recently never really sat down with it and read its recipes. As I am coming to terms with my very real obsession with food, I'm starting to look at all my food literature differently. I'm realizing that a cookbook, is like a good novel. One that you should read over and over again. I've also realized that my food literature collection was really lacking, hence my request for Mastering the Art of French cooking for Christmas. I figured if a whiny writer with a passing interest in food could master Julia's recipes and parley her story into a half amusing/half annoying movie, the very least I could do was verse myself in the classics. I mean I eventually want to get paid to talk about and/or cook food, because that sounds a f**k of a lot better than going back and forth with grantees about their freakin' TPS final reports. And while collecting recipes from a bazillion different food blogs is fun, it just doesn't satisfy the soul in the way that reading a book of recipes does.

I'm sure you can relate.

Garlic Parmesan Top Knots

Let's talk about cute food. Now if you know me well, or in any capacity really, than you probably know that"cute" is probably the last word I would use to describe food. As far as I'm usually concerned, guys who are attractive, but missing that oh so important x factor and/or look like 12 year old boys are cute. Puppies are cute. Some babies are cute. [Yeah, I said it!] But food...food is flavor, and texture, and color, and plating and all things awesome, but generally not cute.

Or so I thought. 

That darn Adrianna over at A Cozy Kitchen, she's turned me onto the wold of cute food. Maple bacon pancakes, biscuits of the same name, scones, crostinis, sandwiches, glitter nails, you name it! This girl knows her food, loves glitter, and knows how to cute things up. I kind of love her. Hence these garlic knots.  There's  garlic, and, Parmesan and butter, oh glorious butter, #yum. They're chock full o' cracked wheat and made with wheat flour which makes them good for you, #awesome. But it wasn't until I was tying the dough into double knots that I realized how cute they are. Too f**kin' cute! #bonuspoints

Meatless Monday: Sun Dried Tomato Risotto Cakes

Pardon these awful pictures, I took these weeks ago and I was probably really really hungry. Because I'm always hungry. And that's the sucky part about food blogging--delayed gratification for the sake of pictures. Besides, I'm scheduled to get my new camera in 3 weeks, hurrah!

I have a love/hate relationship with Giada de Laurentiis.  There's just something about her that just grinds my gears. Perhaps it's that fact that her head is a skosh too big for her teen little body. Or that she appears to have ten too many teeth, which are all fully displayed every time she opens her mouth. I don't know about you, but every time she smiles, I always think of the shark exhibit you would see in a museum, where you're shown the multiple rows of teeth inside the shark's mouth [I'm just sayin'...]. If it's not her absurdly toothy smile, then it's definitely the subtle, but undeniable element of sex appeal that is ever present in shows--largely via the gratuitous use of pastel colored v-neck tops to display her disproportionately bountiful cleavage.  I can't fault her for capitalizing on her looks, however, I am a firm believer that in this great nation of ours--the fattest in the world*, I might add--that when it comes to food, you don't need to sex it up to sell it.  But in spite of all of my issues with her, I can't seem to pull myself away from the TV when she's on. She makes the type of food that I want to eat--simple, unfussy, and delicious, and at the end of the day, what matters most to my inner fat bastard is the food! Besides, my sources tell me that she's very wrinkly in person, and if the opportunity presented itself, I would totally dine at one of her contrived dinner parties at her beach side home in California. Because I'm sure she really is nice and not at all as condescending as she sometimes seems on TV.

Because I'm all about the food, it should come as no surprise that I own Giada's Everyday Italian Cookbook. One of my favorites recipes to make is Risotto, it's creamy, delicious, and one of the few times where I can cook with butter with zero guilt.  With its simplistic virtue, risotto lends itself to countless interpretations, and is the gift that keeps on giving. Supposedly, you can't reheat left over risotto because it loses it looses its creamy texture. In some regards this is true, but that hasn't stopped me from eating risotto for 4 days in a row before. But I finally decided to try my hand at risotto cakes, which uses left overs, just to switch things up, and follow the rules for once in my life.

Bourbon Vanilla Blondies + Giveaway= TGIF!

I don't know about you, but it's been quite a week for me. In the last five days, I have seriously considered quitting my job--twice, received my first acupuncture treatment, realized I have no choice but to pursue my plans for an Etsy shop lest I want to go to Spain with my old point n shoot, gotten about 20 hours of restful sleep, suffered through four nightmares, received my package for my CSN product review and found out that a 12" cast iron skillet is really fucking big, realized I lost my $10 bottle of mighty grip yet still attempted a pole split and didn't fall to my death (success pending on LOTS of stretching, mighty grip and a miracle), successfully made brownies and blondies of "insane greatness" and subsequently consumed half of each batch, thereby ingesting an estimated 3000 auxiliary calories that I'm sure will show up on my lower stomach three days before I leave for the beaches and men of Spain AND finally gave in to the feelings that I could no longer deny and admitted to myself and world via Facebook that I'm in love.........with Pauly D from Jersey Shore. Don't judge me.

So let's talk about those blondies. What's a blondie, you ask? Blondies are exactly what they sound like, which are a chocolate free, or "blonde" version of brownies. While a chocolate free version of any form of dessert may be considered sacrilege to some, it's a welcome variation on a American classic to others. I mean, even if you are a self proclaimed raging chocoholic connoisseur of fine cocoa based confections, can you really deny the awesomeness that results from combining browned butter is lust, brown sugar, bourbon, and vanilla extract?? I didn't think you could. Just admit it. It doesn't mean you love chocolate any less. I won't tell anyone. Scout's honor.



Beurre Noisette Brownies

Beurre Noisette (burr nwah-ZET):
-noun, French
a sauce of butter cooked until golden or toasty brown in color, producing a nutty aroma and flavor.

Buerre Noisette, or browned butter, is, as far as I'm concerned, the baking equivalent to rendered bacon fat.  An epicurean treasure of immeasurable value, it somehow makes the love that is butter even better, and could only have been gifted to the world by the French, who in my humble opinion, are the foremost authority on all things pastry and/or dessert. Don't believe me? Take a trip to Paris, and walk into any bakery or as they call them, patisserie shop, and tell me you don't want to eat everything you see. Or if you're fortunate enough to have an authentic patisserie shop nearby, you could just go there and order half a pound of raspberry macaroons and a pear tart resist the urge to order 1 of everything in the case. Bet you can't say that about your corner bakery. Don't get me wrong, I like desserts of many varieties and cultural origins, but nothing can hold a candle to French desserts. It is browned butter that was the key ingredient in this brownie recipe that ultimately convinced me to create my own shop on Etsy, and finally give life to my "side hustle" plans.

I wish I could say this recipe was an original creation, but I've already established that I'm no baking queen. However, I never met a recipe I couldn't alter, and contrary to popular belief, there is room for experimentation in baking, albeit not much. What changes did I make? Well if I told you, I'd have to kill you, and that wouldn't be good for business. Just know that these brownies were delicious perfection, and one lucky reader will be able to soon confirm that for free! But this isn't the giveaway post yet, this is just the teaser, cuz I'm a tease like that (but don't ask around to confirm that, lol). In the meantime, enjoy the gratuitous brownie making food porn

Sugar and Cocoa 

Chopped Walnuts

This is where the magic starts

A Glorious Beurre Noisette

As if I would let all that good go to waste 

Perfection!

Meatless Monday: Fettuccine Marinara

There's something about butter that just makes me lose all common sense, and forget that it's loaded with artery clogging cholesterol and trans fats. I'm still confused as to how Paula Deen (Hi Y'all!) seems to be able to consume it in copious quantities and not drop dead or weigh half a ton, but I guess that's a conversation for another day. I'm sure you're wondering the the hell butter has to do with a simple pasta dish. Allow me to explain. You see, several months ago, after having seen the most depressing movie, possibly of all time, I found a little piece of happiness in a Middle Eastern dish whose name escapes me, that featured lamb and rice and crispy pita pieces fried in sizzling butter. If I said it had me at "sizzling butter", would that be too cliché? I suppose that doesn't really matter seeing as how cliché or not, that's exactly what happened. Like I said, butter has this a strange power over me, I couldn't help myself.

Fast forward to Sunday evening. I was hungry, tired, and practically out of food because I refuse to go grocery shopping during the weekend for any reason other than impending Armageddon, and even then, I would still try to wait till Monday evening just to avoid the rush.  Looking at my bare "pantry", I realized that pasta was my only option for dinner, and  was less than enthused about it. That was, of course, until I had an "a-ha" moment and remembered the crunchy buttery goodness of that fried pita, that made that meal so memorable could probably do the same for my hum drum pasta. Suddenly, I was excited about fettuccine noodles with store bought pasta sauce for dinner. Because of the life enriching shortening qualities of butter, I considered substituting olive oil in which to fry the pita.  I debated back and forth with my inner fat girl about why I should use olive oil instead--but in the end, that heifer somehow talked me into a compromise to use both. She also told me to add garlic to mix. Well, my inner fat girl was onto something. Something delicious! And next time, I'm going to do the right thing and use olive oil only. We can't all escape the grim reaper like my beloved Paula (Hi Y'all!)

Ingredients
1/2 box fettuccine noodles
1 jar pasta sauce
8-10 leaves fresh basil, thinly sliced (chiffonade)
1 flat pita, sliced into 1 inch pieces
3 tbsp butter
3 tbsp +1 tbsp olive oil
1 tsp chopped garlic
1/2 tbsp freshly grated Parmesan cheese
Fresh Cracked Black Pepper
Sea Salt

In a very large pot, bring water seasoned with sea salt and olive oil to a rolling boil. In a heavy skillet, melt butter and olive oil over a medium flame. Add garlic and chopped pita pieces, coating them evenly in butter. Saute about 4 minutes on each side or until both sides are deep brown and pita is crispy. Remove from skillet and set aside. In that same skillet, add 1 tbsp olive oil, pasta sauce and basil leaves, and let simmer on low heat. While sauce is simmering, add pasta noodles to boiling water, cook about 9 minutes or until tender, but with a firm bite (al dente). When sauce is heated thoroughly, combine with pasta and remove from flame. Plate pasta, arranging pita pieces on of and throughout the dish. Top with a healthy dose of coarsely ground black pepper and grated Parmesan.  Serve and enjoy. Then eat more pasta with more pita pieces. And then eat the rest of the pita piece as a "snack" or whatever you want to call it, because you and I both know that fried pieces of bread aren't going to be so very crispy on the second day.

Meatless Monday: Funghi a la Escargots

I used to hate mushrooms. HATE them. I used to hate mushrooms so much, that when I studied abroad in Italy, I would surreptitiously pick them out of my delicious and authentic Italian food, and put them on the side of my plate. I sometimes thought I could feel the resentment of the Italian people, and swore I saw them staring at me with jaws agape. But then again, the Europeans don't find it rude to stare at people as if they have two heads, I was the only person of color in my group, and the men there are every bit as aggressive and forward as you've heard, so I soon realized that if they were staring, it wasn't because I picked the mushrooms out of my spaghetti. Anyway, the moral of this story is that somehow or another my pure and unadulterated disdain for mushrooms slowly faded away, and now I consider myself a fan of the fungi. Which brings me to my next point, which is this amazing recipe for mushrooms in the style of escargot. You see, escargot is the French delicacy of snails. But a good travel book once told me that even if you don't like snails, you should still order the dish and sop up the butter and garlic based sauce with your bread. It's pure genius! I found this recipe from Smitten Kitchen, and she found this recipe from Gourmet.com. It's the circle of liiiiiiiife (cue Disney music), and life is good and buttery and delicious!

Forgive Me Sticky Buns

forgive me, I don't have a picture of the finished product

What would a Tuesday be without sticky buns? Well I don't know exactly, seeing as how I made these sticky buns on a Monday about 6 weeks ago. Shameful? yes! Delicious? Damn straight! As you may well know, I don't really dig baking. BUT as you also know, if I come across a dessert recipe that looks awesome and is relatively simple to prepare, I'll probably make it. In comes Keeley from My Life on a Plate and her kick ass sticky buns recipe, which she adapted from the queen of baking, no-- not Martha, but Ina! I don't know about you, but Martha Stewart is just too damn dry and boring for my liking. It's like watching a robot on TV, she's not personable, she's not funny, and she's not even overweight enough for me to believe that she eats half of what she cooks. Ina Garten, aka the Barefoot Contessa, on the other hand, isn't really funny either, but she's personable, appreciates the life enriching qualities of butter, lives in the freakin' Hamptons, grows rosemary bushes the size of a smart car in her back yard, is friends with fabulous Gays that write Hollywood screenplays for movies like Nine, AND she brings the art of simple french inspired dishes into the hearts and minds of gals like me each and every day, and I LOVE IT. I don't think you understand folks, I literally have a girl crush on a 62 year old overweight white woman because she makes coconut cupcakes that look so good they make me want to slap someone. Never mind that I've never actually tasted them, but that how good they look.

So anyway, back to these sticky buns. Several weeks ago, I had a meltdown of sorts, while at work. It involved the idiocracy that is the United States Postal Service, an expensive winter coat ordered from Asos.com and me not having my package. It was a Friday, I was tired, I was frustrated, I was LIVID, and I was inappropriately loud while on the phone with "customer service" trying to locate my lost package. After the dust had settled, and my package's location was still unknown, I felt bad about my little outburst. I decided to make it up to my fellow coworkers, and bribe them with butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon, there in lies the sticky buns.

Of course, I had to adapt the recipe for what I like and what's stocked in my pantry....

Nadette's Forgive Me -Keeley-Barefoot Sticky Buns

Ingredients
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter (12 tbsp)
1/3 cup dark brown sugar, lightly packed
1/2 cup pecans, roughly chopped
2 sheets frozen puff pastry, defrosted (17.3 oz)

Filling:
2 tbsp unsalted butter, melted
2/3 cup dark brown sugar, lightly packed
3 tsp, freshly ground cinnamon

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Place a 12 cup standard muffing tin on a sheet pan, lined with parchment paper. [Actually, I don't have any parchment paper, so consider that optional]

In a bowl, combine 12 tbsp of butter and 1/3 cup brown sugar. Place 1 rounded tbsp of mixture in each of the 12 muffin cups. Distribute pecans evenly among muffing cups on top of butter and sugar mixture.

Gently unfold each sheet of puff pastry on a lightly floured surface. Brush entire sheet with melted butter leaving a 1 inch border on pastry sheet. Following the same 1 inch border, dust each sheet with 1/3 cup of brown sugar and 1 1/2 tsp of cinnamon. Starting with the end nearest to you, roll the pastry like ajelly roll around the filling, finishing with the seam side down. Repeat with second pastry sheet. Slice each roll into 6 equal pieces, each about 1 1/2 inches wide. Place each, sprial side down into the muffin cups to make 12 sticky buns.

Bake for 30 minutes, until sticky buns are golden to dark brown on top and firm to the touch. Do NOT make the same mistake I did, and try to bake each sticky bun in a paper muffin cups. I couldn't get a good picture of the finished product, and I spent another 20 minutes separating the paper cups from the sugary crusty goodness that the sugar and butter mixture creates. Instead, allow the buns to cool for a about 5 minutes, then invert the onto parchment or wax paper, and spoon topping and pecans out of muffin cups to top. In spite of the drama getting these sticky buns out of the paper cups, they were delicious, and my coworkers enjoyed them, and all was forgiven. These were so good in fact, that in spite the fact that i've probably consumed 10 pounds of sugar in total during the holiday season, I'll probably make these once more during the winter. I mean, really--brown sugar, butter, and cinnamon. How could I resist? And besides, I need to show you the finished product!

Manchego & Basil Bacony Grilled Cheese

All hail the queen of bacon...and that queen would be me! I don't see you hailing...*waiting*...*hailing ensues*...that's better. Actually, now that I mention it, I wonder if there is some bacon themed pageant somewhere out there in this great nation of ours. Can't you just picture it? Somewhere in a fly-over state, there's some poor little 9 year old girl dressed like a 27 year old street walker with a fake tan, trannie make-up, and a painfully big smile plastered on her dead behind the eyes little face while she parades around a stage like a show dog trying trying to earn the love of her overbearing and tragically desperate mother by living out her unfulfilled dreams.  Ok, so obviously I have some strong opinions about child pageants, but I would gladly pay money to observe grown ass women participate in a bacon beauty pageant. That's just too good of an imaginary opportunity to laugh my ass off while burning with secret envy to pass up. But as always I digress.

Manchego isn't typically used in grilled cheese, because it's not a very melty cheese. I typically don't have the capacity to keep anything alive that doesn't poop or bark [and even then, I have my moments] but somehow I have managed to keep my potted basil plant alive and thriving for three whole weeks. So in celebration of the things that shouldn't be, I decided to combine these two ingredients to make the ultimate grilled cheese. Where's the bacon? Glad you asked. There's isn't any actual bacon in the sandwich, but I did fry it in left over bacon grease from my morning's breakfast. You read that right mi amores, left over bacon grease--don't knock it till you try it.

Ingredients
Sandwich
2 slices whole wheat bread
(lots) Machego cheese, sliced

6-7 leaves basil

Fresh ground black pepper

1 tbsp butter

3 oz rendered bacon fat (foodie speak for bacon grease)

you know I didn't just eat a grille cheese sandwich alone...

Lemon Roasted Broccoli

2 cloves garlic, finely chopped

2 large broccoli crowns, chopped

1 lemon, juiced

olive oil

Sea Salt

Fresh ground black pepper

Assemble sandwich by layering the sliced cheese with basil leaves. Generously season with black pepper. Heat bacon fat and butter in skillet on medium heat. Add sandwich to pan and press flat with spatula, hold for about 30 seconds. Cover skillet with lid and let sandwich cook for 2 minutes. Flip sandwich, press flat with spatula and let cook another 2-3 minutes on second side, or until cheese is melted and bread is browned and crisp. 

Chop broccoli into small bites, toss with chopped garlic, lemon juice, olive oil, salt and pepper. Roast in a 400 degree oven for about 15 minutes until roasty and delicious.

The sandwich was awesome, basil makes everything better, and though manchego isn't the meltiest cheese, the flavor is fantastic. And the bacon flavor was the perfect amount wrong and delicious. I am a genius.