Thursday, February 25, 2010

I Don't Want Any Damn Juice!

(that was for you, Liz)

--What's with the title?--[it's kind of an inside joke, but you should chuckle at it anyway]

I should tell you, I gave up juice for Lent [along with pork and red meat], and as you can imagine, all I've been craving for the last few days is a bacon cheeseburger and a tall glass of blood orange frizzante [italian soda from Wegman's].  And when I say I've been craving, I mean two nights ago I dreamed that I scarfed down a bacon cheeseburger and was reaching for a second when I realized what I had done. I woke up feeling guilty. Today at lunch, I thought my coworker's hot dogs smelled like bacon, wtf?! And this weekend, at a baby's birthday party, I really really wanted some pepsi, and I don't even drink cola!

The irony is that I don't usually eat or drink these foods all that often [well, except maybe bacon, but it is my unwavering belief that bacon makes the world a better place! And don't you dare suggest I switch to turkey bacon, because if ain't pig, IT AIN'T BACON!]  But that damn snow storm combined my quarter life crisis brought out my inner fat bastard, big time! Thus I must be pay my gastronomical penance. [because its good for my soul and my waistline]

So whilst in the middle of rediscovering my love affair with water, I thought this would be the perfect time to talk about America's [and maybe yours, too] love affair with juice, soda, kool-aid, and other sugar/sugar substitute sweetened beverages.

[prepare yourself, I'm on my soap box]

According to theAmerican Heart Association, from 2001 to 2004, the usual intake of added sugars for Americans was 22.2 teaspoons per day (355 calories), the majority of which come from beverages. That's kind of ridonkulous!  What the hell did  water ever do to you [aside from nourish your insides and support every biological system in your body necessary to live]?!

Water did NOT add 148 calories to your meal [12 oz can of sprite].  And that diet drink may be "zero calories" but how's that fake sugar treating your digestive system's metabolic processes? [in the interest of brevity, I won't go into]

Water did NOT pump high fructose corn syrup into your digestive system, which despite what those CORN REFINERS ASSOCIATION sponsored commercials [*cough, special interest's bullshit, cough*] says about the harmlessness of HFCS, I don't buy into the hype.  Although the scientific jury may not have found the smoking gun YET, I'm not about to wait around for them to figure out the long term effects of this HIGHLY PROCESSED product over the next 30 years.  They said the same thing about BPA 30 years ago, and now it's been linked to cancer and reproductive issues...

Water did NOT shove the economy down a flight of step and cause havoc and misery nationwide because of reckless deregulation of the financial system [yes, another dig at dubyah & friends which totally random...there will be more, trust me!]

So if water didn't do anything to you, why do so MANY people treat water like that one member of the family [or several for some of us] we wish weren't really kin, and act as if they don't exist whenever and wherever possible [even if it is only in the solace of your imagination]?

I'm not saying that you should never drink or soda or sweet tea ever again, not by a long shot.  I love iced tea, and there is no more satisfying happy hour drink than a Jack and Ginger Ale.  However, I am strongly advocating that you drink more water, and not just have a glass here or there because you don't really drink water, but to drink water more often than not.  And because I haven't been living up to my own standard lately, I'm leading the way by example for the next 40 days.

So no, I don't want any damn juice! I will have a tall glass of life nourishing water. or a latte. or a glass of wine. [I said I gave up juice, I didn't say anything about coffee or alcohol, I'm not a masochist!]

Drink to your health!


  1. You would be so proud of me!! I have been drinking water with almost every meal , and taking a big water bottle to work everyday to drink!!!

  2. OMG I was laughing about the DAMN JUICE just yesterday! I'm so glad we're on the same spectrum!

  3. @ hillary, yes i'm very proud of you!
    @ liz i've obviously learned to telepathically communicate with you. awesome!

  4. LMAO...I hardly drink anything other than water anyway but thanks for the info! (It's true)



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