Walking Backwards

Granada (revisited)  June 15, 2013

¡Hola a Todos! So let's just skip past the part about me not blogging for 6 months, and start over from the beginning. Which, because I'm the author of this story, means I'll start at the end. And I don't actually mean the end, because this international love story between me and Spain is far from over...

16:50 Tuesday, June 25, 2013

So there I was in Madrid's Puerta de Atocha Estación de Tren. With the aid of a kind stranger, I had just stepped off the train with three, overstuffed pieces of luggage, two carry on bags, AND Kona in his travel carrier (which he loathes traveling in).

My struggle was so much worse than this. My suitcases were twice as big 

 Ignoring the puzzled look on people's faces as they watched me on the platform, I put forth my best "I can do this shit" attitude, confidently assembled my bags for exit, and 5 minutes later was smoothly walking backwards towards the escalator. And then I got to the escalator and realized I was majorly fucked. 'Cuz ya know, escalators are moving stairs, which created the very real danger of me falling face forward as I tried to haul my crap while walking backwards. I tried not to panic, but I was at a loss of how I was going to make it work AND I was blocking the escalator. Another kind gentleman witnessed my dilemma and helped me get on the escalator without face planting. We got to the top of, he helped me get my bags off and just barely out of the way of the travelers who had been trapped behind my little sideshow, and disappeared. Considering that when I got on the train in Murcia, and was fighting the good fight to lift my suitcases into the hold and NOBODY helped me, I was grateful. But then I looked at the 1000+ feet journey just to get to the main vestibule of the train station and my heart sank a little.  I made several attempts to walk facing traffic with my bags behind me, only to lose control of them and have them fall sideways nearly taking me down with them, so I surrendered my pride to what worked. I have to say that walking backwards with 200lbs of luggage and a dog through Spain's largest train station was probably the longest 20 minutes of my life. By the time I made it through the main terminal and outside to the taxi stand, I could barely stand upright or even speak. But I stammered out my destination address, collapsed into the taxi, and exhaled. I was I halfway to on my way home. In two days I would be in Madrid's airport and heading back to the U.S. for the first time in 10 months. I had made it! So let's go backwards a little more.

I'm a Skinny Bitch & Paula Deen has Diabeetus!

*Disclaimer* If you hadn't guessed by the title, there's some choice profanity sprinkled throught this post. You've beeen warned.

So I’m a skinny bitch, Paula Deen has diabetes, and neither one of use are having the best week ever! Unless you’ve been trapped underground for the last 7 days, you’ve probably heard by now that Paula Deen publicly announced last week that she has Type 2 Diabetes.  This should come as a surprise to no one.  If you’re my friend on Facebook, you may or may not have seen a really bitchy status I posted two weeks ago, in response to a “plus size” girl calling me a skinny bitch.  She meant it to be funny, but I was not amused.  I’m sure you’re wondering what my inability to take a joke has to do with Paula Deen but I assure you, I’ll get to that.

So let’s go back to 2 weeks ago, when I saw some bullshiggity of epic proportion on my Facebook feed. A friend posted a rant about his frustration about hearing that his women friends have been told they need to be a normal weight, and questioned what exactly a “normal weight” is. I briefly responded, leading with my public health credentials, that there is in fact a such thing as a “normal weight”, and seeing as how this nation is facing an epidemic of overweight and obesity—which are the biggest driving forces behind the skyrocketing costs of healthcare—obviously far too many people don't fit into that normal category [pun intended]. A third party then responded to the thread with, and I quote,

“I always hear it from my doctor; "Miss Iliketowearshinygoldleggings, you are healthy and strong as an ox....but maybe you should consider more exercise and diet because at your age and height....bla...h blah blah".  I'm healthy, no joint issues, everything is where it should be.....so what's the problem???? I look damn good and I don't wanna be a skinny chick. Research shows that people with more body fat tend to be happier as far as personality goes. Why? (MoNique voice) Skinny bitches are evil! They hungry all the damn time!! Lmao”

Garlic Parmesan Top Knots

Let's talk about cute food. Now if you know me well, or in any capacity really, than you probably know that"cute" is probably the last word I would use to describe food. As far as I'm usually concerned, guys who are attractive, but missing that oh so important x factor and/or look like 12 year old boys are cute. Puppies are cute. Some babies are cute. [Yeah, I said it!] But food...food is flavor, and texture, and color, and plating and all things awesome, but generally not cute.

Or so I thought. 

That darn Adrianna over at A Cozy Kitchen, she's turned me onto the wold of cute food. Maple bacon pancakes, biscuits of the same name, scones, crostinis, sandwiches, glitter nails, you name it! This girl knows her food, loves glitter, and knows how to cute things up. I kind of love her. Hence these garlic knots.  There's  garlic, and, Parmesan and butter, oh glorious butter, #yum. They're chock full o' cracked wheat and made with wheat flour which makes them good for you, #awesome. But it wasn't until I was tying the dough into double knots that I realized how cute they are. Too f**kin' cute! #bonuspoints

Ginger Peach Pinojito

"Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"-Brian Griffin, Family Guy

My sentiments exactly, except I want peaches and a wet, vodka martini. Organic peaches to be specific. And I want them to be availalbe all gotdamn year. But sure enough, finding organic peaches in Maryland during the perniciously short season of the peach is like trying to find a pot o' gold at the end of a rainbow--and then paying damn near a ransom sum for it. So that brings me back to Brian's orignial sentiment. Whose leg do I have to hump for an organic peach that doesn't cost an arm in addition to the leg??  Why the hell are peaches only availble (in Maryland) for like two freakin months? And why do I never have the time to buy a bushel of peaches and make any and everything peach to my heart's desire? Why as ask you? WHYYYYYYY?!

These are questions that will haunt me until the day I die. Or move to Georgia. Which will never happen because I am not physically/mentally/emotionally capable of living any further south of the Mason-Dixon Line than I already do. And I can't live in a Red State either. Guess that takes the option moving back home to Jersey off the table, indefinitely. Shrug.

Meatless Monday: City Girl Coleslaw

¡Sin mayonesa, por favor! In addition to, "Si, soy Americana, y yo no voté por George Bush" and "¿Donde está el baño?" I am absolutely certain that these will be the most important words of my Spanish lexicon to ensure both a smooth and happy transition transition to my future life in Spain. You see, the Spanish are really into mayonnaise, and for as long as I've been alive,  I have harbored a pure and unadulterated hatred toward mayonnaise that was the cause of many b!tch fits/food tantrums in my childhood. In an outright defiance of the expectations of the maturation of the palate from infancy to adulthood, it seems that my disdain for this condiment has actually gotten worse. No longer can my taste buds ignore the presence and rancid taste of mayonnaise in classic dishes like coleslaw and potato salad. No more will I subject myself to forcibly ingesting portabello sandwiches that would otherwise be perfect had they not been smeared with "garlic aoli" because the owners of Soup's On refuse to make a yogurt based garlic spread per my telepathically demanded, though never verbally submitted requests. NO MORE! Today this city girl takes a stand! Today, I declare my war on mayonnaise! Whose with me?!

Now that I've amassed an army formidable enough to take on the evil mayonnaise empire, the first matter of business is this 1000% awesome, though hardly original, mayonnaise-free coleslaw, fit for city girls and mayonnaise haters alike. 

The Hell?!

I've been experiencing technical difficulties while trying to post about my latest culinary masterpiece. As you know, I'm a woman of limited patience. So I'm currently trying my best to not have an office space moment. Hopefully I'll be up and running again in a few hours. But until then, please enjoy the following:

Because we've all been tempted to go there at one point or another...

Relapse is a Sumbitch!

So you may recall that in my most recent post, I discussed my addiction the evil drug that is sugar, lambasted our sugar saturated food culture, and vowed to take proactive and reactive measures to greatly reduce my glucose intake for the sake of my overall health, my skin, and my future waistline. But just as everyone else that has struggled with substance abuse, I too have fallen victim to a relapse.  See right what had happened was, I'm currently in Atlanta at a learning institute conference for work. Having arrived at my hotel yesterday, there was of course, a welcome reception, and there was of course a ton of so-so hotel food. To my pleasant surprise, however, the desserts table was actually full of  options that my highly discriminating palette finds not only acceptable, but delicious. Things like french macaroons, mini fruit tarts, mini-cake slices *not* covered in butter cream frosting, and my all time favorite dessert, mini key lime pies.  Like I've mentioned before, I'm not a fan of extreme measures, and I sure as hell don't believe in completely restricting any food I find enjoyable from my diet, but rather enjoy it with conservative moderation. So without really thinking about it, I indulged myself. I mean, there were mini key lime pies AND French macaroons; I wasn't even trying to resist. Things went from bad, to greedy, to girls who eat their feelings. I knew going back for that third plate of desserts was just wrong, and completely out of character for me, but I couldn't help myself. Well, there's a moral to this story. A mere two hours after my third plate of dessert, I was curled in a ball with a MAJOR tummy ache. And about twenty minutes later, I was up close and personal with the toilet of my hotel bathroom. Yes that's right, I retched my guts up, along with 2 mini key lime pies, 4 french macaroons, 2 slices of cake, and a mini fruit tart. [that was probably tmi, but whatevs]

God don't like ugly, he sure hates stupid, and severely punishes the gluttonous.

Guess whose back on the wagon, and walked past the desserts table at lunch today, and kept it moving past the fondue table at dinner tonight?

Lesson Learned!

10 Things I Hate....A Rant Story

Hola Guapas. I know, it's been far too long since my last post, I apologize, but I just haven't been feeling it lately. And by feelin it, I mean feeling anything. It's like I've been walking around with a personal storm cloud above my head that keeps snuffing out my will to do anything other exist and watch hours of mindless reality TV [Thursdays=Jersey Shore... oh yeah!]. I'm not a fan of this feeling, so right now I'm taking proactive measures to get my shit together. And my first step, is to let off a little steam. Hence, I bring you A Rant Story...

*Disclaimer*
Lots of profanity laced ranting about really random stupid shit that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of life is about to ensue. Lots. You've been warned...

1. Flip flops on men outside of the beach. Men wearing flip flops in any other setting really makes me cringe. I dunno maybe I've seen 10 too many men with ugly ass, finger-like toes with black or yellow nails, fungus crusted, runaway slave looking man-feet in raggedy ass flip flops walking around college campuses and/or Baltimore City to last me a lifetime. To the white guy in Starbucks--how is it even possible for your feet to look like a runaway slave's?! Do you understand how traumatic it was to see that shit just out in the open? I literally almost threw up on the fucking floor! The only thing worse than ugly man feet+raggedy ass flip flops is ugly man-feet+raggedy ass flip flops in jeans/slacks/suit. For this crime you deserve to be publicly beaten with a pair of dress shoes by men far more fashionable than you!!


2. People, far too often women, who don’t dress appropriately for their size. And I’m not talking about the ig’nant ass debate about whether plus size women can wear skinny jeans [some can, most can’t, but I’ll not delve into that]. I’m talking about the shit observed on websites like People of Walmart, Hot Ghetto Mess, and various facebook albums and groups nationwide, where various excess body parts [back rolls, stretch marks, side boob, front butt, etc] are either hanging outside of their clothing, or protruding through their extra medium outfit. These bitches and ninjas should know they are dead ass wrong, and quite frankly, I consider that shit to be indecent fucking exposure.  But somehow, they always seem blissfully ignorant of their hot mess situations, if not defiant of social norms and mores. To the woman in Walmart last week, whose breasts were at minimum a G cup spilling out of what appeared to be a D cup bra [no bullshit!] yes bitch, I did just look at you dirty for looking a hot ass mess! Go find yourself a damn bra in your size, and until then, have the decency to wear a big chunky sweater so I cannot clearly see the outline of that small ass bra you squeezed yourself in. Matter fact--how did you even get it closed in the back?? One of these days, this shit is going to land me in a fight. And I'll scratch a bitches eyes out...

3. Fox News Channel. I can respect a politically conservative point of view [albeit, I'm a liberal/progressive/yellow belly bleedin' heart democrat, and proud the fuck of it]. I’m just as worried about the damn deficit and national security just like everyone else. But Fox News is a feeding ground for pure shiggity, bigotry, ignorance, and unpatriotic levels of ridamndiculousness and Obama bashing Every. Single. Day. Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Star Parker, Rush Limbaugh, Anne Coulter, Sean Hannity, Michelle Malkin and crew can KICK. FUCKIN’. ROCKS. You all are miserable souls, and GOD DON’T LIKE UGLY!

4. Bad drivers. The turn signal was invented for a fucking reason, SO BLOODY USE YOURS! If I am a pedestrian, and you are making a turn, I HAVE THE RIGHT OF FUCKIN WAY YOU TRICK ASS WHORE! I declare, if I have to dodge one more turning vehicle in Baltimore city, I’m gonna fuckin lose it! WHY DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE A RIGHT turn expeditiously?! You are NOT supposed to come to a complete stop in order to turn, MOVE BITCH! Asian drivers—you suck. Women drivers—you suck. Men drivers—this is NOT the fast and the fucking furious, get over yourselves! A merge lane means GET YOUR ASS THE FUCK OVER BEFORE the lane runs out, you lazy piece of trash! WHY WHY WHY don’t people know how to drive?

5. The Baltimore City accent. No, I’m not “Frum Baltimo’ ”, I’m from Jersey bitch, where we learned how to speak a better brand of English, even in Camden. Kona is a cute dog, not a cute dug! Why do y’all just sound plain illiterate?*
*all of the Baltimore natives that I’m friends with don’t sound like this, at all. They may have a twang, because Maryland is, after all, south of the Mason-Dixon, but their accents don’t make my insides cringe.

6. Speaking of speaking—people who just don’t know how to speak or write the English language properly. Learn how to properly conjugate your damn verbs, user proper tenses, etc! Why do you not know the difference between their, there, and they’re?! Irregardless is NOT A FUCKING WORD. This rage now extends to facebook status because “dis” “dey” “ma” “swag” etc have been used far too egregiously and indicate that you may not know the proper way to write English anymore (or if ever). What the fuck were y’all doing in school all those years? Every time you open your mouth and massacre the English language, God murders a puppy! Go read a book and save the puppies!

7. People who would be quick to call me a snobby/bougie bitch because of the previous two bullet points. And to you I still say go read a book—and not that bullshit from Zane or Eric Jerome dickey if you're over the age of 20. Go read grown up books, The Audacity of Hope is a good place to start. Now runtelldat, homeboy!

8. People who refuse to try anything new. Xenophobia is not a good look and I just have zero patience for close minded bullshit. It’s one thing to know what you like, being comfortable with what's familiar, and being apprehensive about new things.  But it's another thing to be staunchly against learning/experiencing/doing anything outside of the familiar. It's no bueno, I can't tolerate it, and you will be left behind.

9. People who suck at life in general. You know who I’m talking about. Those folks that don’t have the sense God gave a goose, consistently make BAD DECISIONS, don’t learn lessons, and then wonder why their life is always a hot ass mess. Folks who are too weak to stand on their own two feet, and always need some body's help. And my least favorite, the people who just can’t handle the stresses of life, and fall apart every other week, and use coping vices like cigarettes, sex, alcohol, or shopping to make themselves feel better, as if the E! True Hollywood Story hasn’t taught us that those sort of behaviors are ALWAYS a recipe for disaster. I used to have a friend or two who exhibited these qualities. Notice I said, “used to”…

10. My job search. It's seems to be never ending. the more research I do, the less qualified I feel, and I'm smack in the middle of a slump. I've let two job postings expire before submitting my resume. I just couldn't muster up the energy to submit my resume. I'm not feeling this "feeling". Hopelessness, apathy, and self doubt seem to be stalking me. And they are pissing me the fuck off! I'm tired of having to give myself a pep talk just to get through the work day. Tired of being grateful to have just have a job. I've been grateful for two damn years, it's time for a new job! SO FUCK THIS! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I kinda feel better. Kinda.

Soap Box Wednesdays: Are they TRYING to make us sick?

It's baaaaack! After a unnecessarily long (read: I was being too lazy to do my research) hiatus, Soap Box Wednesdays has returned. Sorta.  I'll level with you, I'm pulling this SBW post out of my ass at the eleventyith [yeah, I'm making up numbers now] because I promised in my last post that I would deliver this week. And I hate breaking promises, so here goes.

Way back when, sometime last year, I cam across this article on yahoo titled, "7 Foods Experts Won't Eat". Of course I had to read it, because you know me, I'm convinced that a lot our modern "conveniences" in terms of our food culture is much to our detriment. Because this is a half-assed SBW post, but I think this is pretty crucial information that everyone should have, I'm going to share this informative article. Word for word. In school, they call it plagiarism. In blog world, they call it copy right infringement. In my world, I call it "I spent my researching time twirling around a pole, watching TV and sleeping, so I don't give a flying fuggity about copyrights, as long as I get something posted, and it's not like I said I wrote it sooo shazam!"

How healthy (or not) certain foods are—for us, for the environment—is a hotly debated topic among experts and consumers alike, and there are no easy answers. But when Prevention talked to the people at the forefront of food safety and asked them one simple question—“What foods do you avoid?”—we got some pretty interesting answers. Although these foods don’t necessarily make up a "banned” list, as you head into the holidays—and all the grocery shopping that comes with it—their answers are, well, food for thought:

1. Canned Tomatoes
The expert: Fredrick vom Saal, PhD, an endocrinologist at the University of Missouri who studies bisphenol-A.

The problem: The resin linings of tin cans contain bisphenol-A, a synthetic estrogen that has been linked to ailments ranging from reproductive problems to heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. Unfortunately, acidity (a prominent characteristic of tomatoes) causes BPA to leach into your food. Studies show that the BPA in most people's body exceeds the amount that suppresses sperm production or causes chromosomal damage to the eggs of animals. "You can get 50 mcg of BPA per liter out of a tomato can, and that's a level that is going to impact people, particularly the young," says vom Saal. "I won't go near canned tomatoes."

The solution: Choose tomatoes in glass bottles (which do not need resin linings), such as the brands Bionaturae and Coluccio. You can also get several types in Tetra Pak boxes, like Trader Joe's and Pomi.

2. Corn-Fed Beef
The expert: Joel Salatin, co-owner of Polyface Farms and author of half a dozen books on sustainable farming.

The problem: Cattle evolved to eat grass, not grains. But farmers today feed their animals corn and soybeans, which fatten up the animals faster for slaughter. More money for cattle farmers (and lower prices at the grocery store) means a lot less nutrition for us. A recent comprehensive study conducted by the USDA and researchers from Clemson University found that compared with corn-fed beef, grass-fed beef is higher in beta-carotene, vitamin E, omega-3s, conjugated linoleic acid (CLA), calcium, magnesium, and potassium; lower in inflammatory omega-6s; and lower in saturated fats that have been linked to heart disease. "We need to respect the fact that cows are herbivores, and that does not mean feeding them corn and chicken manure," says Salatin.

The solution: Buy grass-fed beef, which can be found at specialty grocers, farmers' markets, and nationally at Whole Foods. It's usually labeled because it demands a premium, but if you don't see it, ask your butcher.

3. Microwave Popcorn
The expert: Olga Naidenko, PhD, a senior scientist for the Environmental Working Group,

The problem: Chemicals, including perfluorooctanoic acid (PFOA), in the lining of the bag, are part of a class of compounds that may be linked to infertility in humans, according to a recent study from UCLA. In animal testing, the chemicals cause liver, testicular, and pancreatic cancer. Studies show that microwaving causes the chemicals to vaporize—and migrate into your popcorn. "They stay in your body for years and accumulate there," says Naidenko, which is why researchers worry that levels in humans could approach the amounts causing cancers in laboratory animals. DuPont and other manufacturers have promised to phase out PFOA by 2015 under a voluntary EPA plan, but millions of bags of popcorn will be sold between now and then.

The solution: Pop natural kernels the old-fashioned way: in a skillet. For flavorings, you can add real butter or dried seasonings, such as dillweed, vegetable flakes, or soup mix.

4. Nonorganic Potatoes
The expert: Jeffrey Moyer, chair of the National Organic Standards Board

The problem: Root vegetables absorb herbicides, pesticides, and fungicides that wind up in soil. In the case of potatoes—the nation's most popular vegetable—they're treated with fungicides during the growing season, then sprayed with herbicides to kill off the fibrous vines before harvesting. After they're dug up, the potatoes are treated yet again to prevent them from sprouting. "Try this experiment: Buy a conventional potato in a store, and try to get it to sprout. It won't," says Moyer, who is also farm director of the Rodale Institute (also owned by Rodale Inc., the publisher of Prevention). "I've talked with potato growers who say point-blank they would never eat the potatoes they sell. They have separate plots where they grow potatoes for themselves without all the chemicals."

The solution: Buy organic potatoes. Washing isn't good enough if you're trying to remove chemicals that have been absorbed into the flesh.

5. Farmed Salmon
The expert: David Carpenter, MD, director of the Institute for Health and the Environment at the University at Albany and publisher of a major study in the journal Science on contamination in fish.

The problem: Nature didn't intend for salmon to be crammed into pens and fed soy, poultry litter, and hydrolyzed chicken feathers. As a result, farmed salmon is lower in vitamin D and higher in contaminants, including carcinogens, PCBs, brominated flame retardants, and pesticides such as dioxin and DDT. According to Carpenter, the most contaminated fish come from Northern Europe, which can be found on American menus. "You can only safely eat one of these salmon dinners every 5 months without increasing your risk of cancer," says Carpenter, whose 2004 fish contamination study got broad media attention. "It's that bad." Preliminary science has also linked DDT to diabetes and obesity, but some nutritionists believe the benefits of omega-3s outweigh the risks. There is also concern about the high level of antibiotics and pesticides used to treat these fish. When you eat farmed salmon, you get dosed with the same drugs and chemicals.

The solution: Switch to wild-caught Alaska salmon. If the package says fresh Atlantic, it's farmed. There are no commercial fisheries left for wild Atlantic salmon.

6. Milk Produced with Artificial Hormones
The expert: Rick North, project director of the Campaign for Safe Food at the Oregon Physicians for Social Responsibility and former CEO of the Oregon division of the American Cancer Society

The problem: Milk producers treat their dairy cattle with recombinant bovine growth hormone (rBGH or rBST, as it is also known) to boost milk production. But rBGH also increases udder infections and even pus in the milk. It also leads to higher levels of a hormone called insulin-like growth factor in milk. In people, high levels of IGF-1 may contribute to breast, prostate, and colon cancers. "When the government approved rBGH, it was thought that IGF-1 from milk would be broken down in the human digestive tract," says North. As it turns out, the casein in milk protects most of it, according to several independent studies. "There's not 100% proof that this is increasing cancer in humans," admits North. "However, it's banned in most industrialized countries."

The solution: Check labels for rBGH-free, rBST-free, produced without artificial hormones, or organic milk. These phrases indicate rBGH-free products.

7. Conventional Apples
The expert: Mark Kastel, former executive for agribusiness and codirector of the Cornucopia Institute, a farm-policy research group that supports organic foods

The problem: If fall fruits held a "most doused in pesticides contest," apples would win. Why? They are individually grafted (descended from a single tree) so that each variety maintains its distinctive flavor. As such, apples don't develop resistance to pests and are sprayed frequently. The industry maintains that these residues are not harmful. But Kastel counters that it's just common sense to minimize exposure by avoiding the most doused produce, like apples. "Farm workers have higher rates of many cancers," he says. And increasing numbers of studies are starting to link a higher body burden of pesticides (from all sources) with Parkinson's disease.

The solution: Buy organic apples. If you can't afford organic, be sure to wash and peel them first.

Here's what I think. *jumps on soap box*

Really, really, REALLY?! Way to fucking go US Department of Agriculture on looking out to protect the health and well being of the general public! Way to drop the ball food scientists!! Once again, did no one really think that dousing food, FOOD that people eat, feed their children, and nourish their unborn offspring with in synthetic chemicals was a BAD FUCKING IDEA?! OK, so maybe you can get a pass on the canned tomatoes thing. That doesn't necessarily set off those alarms in the minds of most. But as for the rest of this mess, SIDE EYE, SON! I'm cringing at the realization that I have probably consumed several thousand gallons of rBST laden milk in my lifetime, as I was and still am a cereal monster. Now you've got me worried that if I ever decide to host a parasite for 10 months get pregnant and bring a crumb snatcher or two into this world, I might not be able to do so without reproductive drama. And what about cancer? You know women of African descent have a higher death rate from breast cancer than their Caucasian counterparts, even though we have a lower incidence rate? And my grandmother has Alzheimer's, how are these chemicals contributing to my risks factors? SHIT! HELL! DAMN! I realize it does me no good to fret over what cannot be undone. So since reading this article, I've taken action, and I am 6 for 7 on avoiding these foods:

• I don't really eat canned anything, and from now on, will be paying a premium for jarred tomato paste for whenever I get around to making Nigerian food or pasta sauce.
• Corn fed beef is hard to avoid. I don't buy that much beef, but I like to eat at restaurants.The grass fed alternative is soo outrageously expensive that I've never bought it. So as of last month, I've decided to nix beef from my grocery lists, indefinitely. I don't eat it that much, so it's an easy sacrifice. It's not like it's bacon...
• I don't eat popcorn. Period
• Organic potatoes are hard to find. Contrary to popular belief, not all of the produce in Whole Check Foods is organic, which elicits yet another side eye from me. For the prices they charge, that's some bull shiggity! Same deal on Trader Joe's. Whose leg do I have to hump for some organic freaking potatoes?!
• I don't buy much seafood b/c you have to cook it like IMMEDIATELY, which if you remember from this fiasco, is not something I do, like, ever.
• Organic milk is expensive as shit, $3.49 for half a gallon! BUT I get the ultra pasteurized variety that lasts like a month, that way it's never wasted in the event of a temporary cereal drought.
• Organic apples are available from time to time, and since I only buy 3 or 4 at a time, the cost isn't prohibitive.

So there you have it señoras y señores*. Avoid these 7 foods like your life depends on it. Because, it kinda does...

*prepare yourself for frequent bouts of Spanglish on this blog, as I am learning Español via Rosetta Stone so I'm not the idiot Americano when I move to Barcelona in 16-24 months.

Just a Little Racist, Still Good, Still Good...

So as it turns out, our trip wasn't 100% unicorns, glitter, guapos and caramel vodka. The Spanish are kinda racist. I wasn't shocked nor overly upset about this reality. I know the world I live in, I know Europe, and I know what I look like. It's a harsh reality that us blacks and browns accept as a part of life. As Chele from Black 'n Bougie would say, "le sigh". But here's the thing, it didn't ruin my time, nor dampen my desire to move to España. Mostly because their racism was quite obviously based on ignorance and curiosity, rather than some of the uglier shit we see play out on the Fox News Channel or at Tea Party rallies on a regular fucking* basis here in the lovely U.S. of A!  It's not as if the Spaniards have a whole fucking "news" channel devoted to bigotry, ignorance, and pure shit spewing disguised as conservative political fodder, every fucking day of the year. They just don't know much about black folks in general and therefore make stupid ass assumptions based on whatever black media makes its way to their Spanish televisions, which based on my experience, I'm going to assume is rife with images of athletes and entertainers being the only type of black folks who go to the south of Spain and have four bedroom homes. Not that I'm excusing the Spanish for their hot-ass-mess-ness. Like really, our DWB was really un-fucking-necessary, as was the  personal inquisition at passport control in Sevilla's airport upon our return from Marrakech.  What I wanted to tell them was, "Do you see my AMERICAN passport? Don't you know that my president is BLACK?! It's NONE of your beeswax where I'm staying! And yes, my cousin has room for ALL FUCKIN FOUR OF US!" It was ridiculous, it was frustrating and still wasn't like some of the shit I've seen and heard in my own country or even my college campus! When they would stare, which really only happened in El Puerto de Santa Maria, it wasn't the type of stare that made you feel like, "Oh fuck, I need to take my black ass out of here". We were often met with quizzical stares, like, "this is new". Of course, walking in with my cousin, who is some what of a local celebrity, probably added to the staring. And not all the staring was bad, as indicated in the picture slide show in this post, ya dig?

But in spite of all of that, I still am going to live there (or Italy, I could do either), because at the end of the day, my black ass could still be very VERY happy living in España, occasionally dealing with racist motivated inquisitions as to my destination and/or whereabouts and rather ridiculous almost comical staring at my presence. Cuz Spain was hot shit like that, y'all. That's just what it is. And if mi primo, who is a tall, muscly, dark skinned, black American male can live there for five years and tell me that that's pretty much the worst of it, then I'll deal with it.

this song is so appropriate for that moment, and it wasn't planned, ha!

Oh, and some quick announcements: obviously, I didn't get around to a Soap Box Wednesday post today. Which means, I really need to get my shit together for next week, right?

I realize that I've given you a very one sided perspective of my trip, you know food, booze, partying, guapos, but no pictures of the scenery, which was freakin beautiful. Check out Hillary's blog for pictures of Barcelona, the story of Madrid,  and coming posts on Marrakech. FYI, I co-sign with Hill on La Sagrada Familia. It is the most amazing piece of architecture I've ever seen in my life, including the 5 weeks I studied abroad in Italy. It was breathtaking!

And one more thing. I'm gonna be featured as a guest blogger, on a very fabulous blog soon! Watch out blog world, I'm coming blog near you, with far more readers than mine, awww shit!

*I said fuck a lot in this post. Kinda hard not to curse when talking about racism, European or otherwise...

La Vida Española: the Good, the Rant, & the Caramel Vodka

*Disclaimer*
The following blog post is a melding of exactly how I feel at the moment, which is a mixture of excitement, hope, determination, nostalgia, despair, and anger. Of my own accord, I realize that merging of such topics into one post makes zero sense. But actually, it makes perfect sense. And besides, it's my blog, and I can rant and rave about hating my job and partying in Spain if I want to. I'm sure by now, I've made quite clear the awesome time I had on my trip.  I'm also sure that if you've been following the blog for a while, I've made quite clear that I hate my job, and have been on the relentless prowl for something better, which after 14 months, is still to no avail. Just a head's up, cuz it might get a little weird.

In case you missed it, I will reiterate that my two weeks in España and Morocco were magnificent.  Like unicorns and glitter magnificent.

The cousin's roommate. They both like to make faces, jajaja

see unicorn on his shirt +glitter on me [Actually, it's body shimmer from Victoria's Secret. It's a self indulgent, gratuitously girly, if not completely ridiculous body powder that makes me sparkle like an Oscar statue freshly spit shined by the 8 year old Taiwanese sweat shop worker that assembled it for 61 cents an hour. It is the single most fabulous thing in my makeup bag and most favorite cosmetic purchase of all time] =magnificent!

¡The we were introduced to Sobrasada!

My trip was so good, in fact, that my short time there only solidified what I've long suspected even before my first venture into Europe back when I was in college and even more so every time I return from there: life in these United States just ain't for me! Now one could say that this is just my inner bougie rearing it's ugly head. That of course I would want to up and move to España after having had a great vacation in the presence of great company, as most people feel that way when returning from really good vacations, especially to Europe. The only difference between me and those folks, is that I'm not bullshitting you. I'm currently hatching a 16-24 month plan, I've been forsaking TV for Rosetta Stone, and I've decided that I'm getting a new job by October [DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE?! I WILL GET A NEW JOB BY OCTOBER. SCREW YOU AND SCREW THIS RECESSION. I'M DONE WITH MY BULLSHIT JOB. YOU WILL GIVE ME A NEW FUCKING JOB BECAUSE I'VE PUT IN THE WORK. I'VE GOT A FUCKING BINDER FULL OF SUBMITTED RESUMES TO PROVE IT YOU FECKLESS BITCH! I'M SMART, I'M A FAST LEARNER, I'M QUALITATIVE AND A RESEARCHER BY NATURE AND I YEARN TO BE CHALLENGED, APPRECIATED, AND NEEDED AT MY PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT! SO HEAR ME NOW, OCTOBER WILL COME, AND I WILL BE A NEW EMPLOYEE IN THE DISTRICT OF FUCKING COLUMBIA. GOT THAT? GOOD!] that pays a little better and doesn't me make dread getting out of bed each morning, so I can appropriately save for what will be an expensive transition and not be completely loony by the time I arrive in Barcelona.  Honestly, if a legitimate opportunity presented itself tomorrow, I'd be on a plane with the poodle and chuckin' Obama n' dem the the deuces, and giving my job [the building and the institution itself, not so much my coworkers] the finger and some other choice words, in Español, of course.

But back to the unicorns and glitter. [Yes I am going to completely resume my train of thought as if I didn't just completely lose it on the blog. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta!] You've seen the food, and I've touched on some of the best aspects, like the hot men EVERYWHERE [like even the garbage men were hot, several of them, hell even the gay men were hot, like "hot sthuff ssss!" hot], the partying, the warmth of the Moroccan people, and of course, the shopping.  But there was so much more to it. Imagine if say, the U.S. had a 25% unemployment rate. There would be rioting in the streets. Literally. Well that is the current unemployment rate in España, and the country is still standing, and people are still living their lives, and not committing murder/suicides as was tragically observed at the onset of the economic downturn here at home. It's just in my two weeks there, I got the feeling that the Spaniards know more about living their lives than we do. My cousin whose been there for five years agrees. There's just a jena sais quois about their lifestyle. It's hot shit. And I want to be a part of it.

And then there was the Caramel Vodka. I'm a boozehound, [cue Chelsea Handler] as indicated in these posts. I don't know if I've really made clear my obsession with caramel, but you should know, it's real serious y'all. Real serious. With that said, please enjoy the following presentation of tomfoolery and awesomeness, courtesy of carmel vodka, other various libations, and of course, guapos. The four of us sure did ;-]

It should be mentioned, that perhaps with the exception of my cousin himself, there is probably no one else more upset about his upcoming transfer back to the States than I am. I was really REALLY trying to get back to España before his return. But outrageous plane ticket prices are killing me right now.

Last but not least, have you signed up for the giveaway yet?  Yeah, take care of that here. 

Soap Box Wednesdays: Artificial Sugars--No Bueno!

*Disclaimer*
If you are a consumer of sugar substitutes, you may find the following post slightly offensive. After thoughtful consideration, I decided to share the full spectrum of my feelings on this matter, which are quite negative. If you are consumer of these products, please don't take my ranting personally, I still have much love for you. However, as your friend (blog world or otherwise) I implore you to at the very least consider reducing or better yet eliminating these products from your diet. The world won't come to an end  and you probably won't gain 5 pounds if you consume real sugar every now and then. Just don't go the full Monty with the sugar, that's just not a good look.

"Artificial sweeteners are chemicals or natural compounds that offer the sweetness of sugar without as many calories. Because the substitutes are much sweeter than sugar, it takes a much smaller quantity to create the same sweetness. Products made with artificial sweeteners have a much lower calorie count than do those made with sugar. Artificial sweeteners are often used as part of a weight-loss plan or as a means to control weight gain." -Mayo Clinic

As long as I can remember, I've always hated artificial sugars. Back in my single digit age days, I learned early on the difference in taste and texture between the real lollipops and the "sugar free" lollipops at the bank [I loved going to the bank with my mom just for the lollipops]. I didn't understand the concept of an oxymoron at that age, but I knew that sugar free candy just wasn't right, and was personally offended by the very concept of if. Fast forwarded to my older and wiser self now, and that feeling has evolved into a philosophy of "There is no such thing as a chemically altered zero calorie sweetener that's good for you". Diet soda, diet cookies, sugar free ice cream...WRONG, WRONG, and WRONG! These man made concoctions are an offense to God and nature [and my discriminating pallet] and I'm not the only one who feels this way. There is a growing body of research that indicates that these products may actually make you gain weight and growing speculation that they can make you sick.

I've been meaning to talk about this topic for a while but never got around to it. So why blog about it now?  Well, yesterday I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Fired N' Fabulous, and she had a guest post called the Skinny Bitch Food Diary. So as I read this skinny bitch's food diary, I noticed a recurring theme that was PISSING ME OFF, sugar free EVERYTHING which completely conflicts with her philosophy of eating things that are "alive and come from the earth." Sucralose, aspartame, acesulfame K, and saccharin came out of some food mega business's chemistry lab, NOT THE DAMN EARTH. ::side bar:: This skinny bitch runs a minimum of 20 miles per week and and is a fitness instructor, yet her food diary seemed curiously low on the calories. When I was running 3-4 miles a week, I couldn't eat enough to keep my weight up. But then again, I have a very sensitive metabolism, so I can't really judge her on her obsession with salads and apparent disregard for meat. But again, that is fodder for another blog post. But I can judge the numerous offenses against food like sugar free syrup on her egg white oatmeal pancakes [no comment on those pancakes] fucking gross! I understand that syrup is essentially liquid sugar, but really, sugar free syrup?! Fuck outta here! OR better yet, just eat your pancakes with fresh fruit, and skip the syrup all together. If I can do it, and I'm a self admitted sugar monster, she can do it too! Then there was the sugar free coffeemate for her coffee. I'm a purist, So I prefer milk or cream to artificial coffeemate crap any day, so once again, no bueno. Two teaspoons of sugar should be more than adequate, but sugar substitutes are like 100 times sweeter than cane sugar, and your body gets used to that sort of sweetness. And finally she said to satisfy her occasional chocolate cravings, she'll mix a packet of sugar free hot cocoa mix with almond milk and banana. I'm admittedly biased against this one, b/c I hate banana, I hate almond milk, and I hate powdered hot chocolate mix. But again with the sugar free shit...side eye to this chick. SIDE EYE! But enough of my commentary, here's what the science says about artificial sugars.

Weight Gain 
Researchers have laboratory evidence that the widespread use of no-calorie sweeteners may actually make it harder for people to control their intake and body weight. Researchers at Purdue University found that rats on diets containing the artificial sweetener saccharin gained more weight than rats given sugary food. The rats whose diets contained artificial sweeteners appeared to experience a physiological connection between sweet tastes and calories, which drove them to overeat. According to ABC News' medical contributor Dr. Marie Savard,

"There's something about diet foods that changes your metabolic limit, your brain chemistry."

Though Savard said more research needs to be done to uncover more information, the study does hit at the idea that sweeteners alter a persons' metabolism. Dr. Savard goes on to say that another recent study, which included more than 18,000 people, found healthy adults who consumed at least one diet drink a day could increase their chance for weight gain.

"The taste buds taste sweet, but there's no calorie load that comes with it. There's a mismatch here. It seems it changes your brain chemistry in some way," Savard said. "Anything you put in your mouth, your body has a strong reaction to it. It's much more than counting calories. It seems normally with sweet foods that we rev up our metabolism"

A separate study came to similar conclusions. The findings come from eight years of data collected by Sharon P. Fowler, MPH, and colleagues at the University of Texas Health Science Center, San Antonio. Fowler reported the data at the annual meeting of the American Diabetes Association in San Diego.

 "What didn't surprise us was that total soft drink use was linked to overweight and obesity," Fowler tells Web MD. "What was surprising was when we looked at people only drinking diet soft drinks, their risk of obesity was even higher."
"In fact, when the researchers took a closer look at their data, they found that nearly all the obesity risk from soft drinks came from diet sodas."

"There was a 41% increase in risk of being overweight for every can or bottle of diet soft drink a person consumes each day," Fowler says.

Please note, however, that due to the nature of scientific research, it has NOT been determined nor has the research claimed that there is a direct causal relationship between the use of artificial sugars and weight gain or obesity. But the research does indicate that there may be correlation between the two, and at the very least, the consumption of such products may alter your body's reactions to the sensation of sweet. As far as I'm concerned, that in itself in addition the fact that fake sugar tastes like ass, is reason enough for me to stay far FAR away from it.

Safety Concerns
The scientific community has not yet conceded that these products may be causing other harm to humans like cancer and M.S., but there's a plethora of that the wackadoodles and conspiracy theorists across the world wide web that think otherwise. Basically the science has said that in lab rats fed a ridiculous amount of various artificial sugars, cancers have been observed. But to extrapolate that data within the human population is unrealistic--according to the scientific community. However, I'll cite Dr. Savard once again,

"We have to rethink what this artificial stuff does to us. If we put this in water it might not be so good." 

For me, better safe than sorry. I was also going go off on a tangent about how very arrogant it is of our society to think they can one up nature give people an excuse to not moderate their intake of junk or scare the weight conscious into consuming altered "foods" in the name of health. But I think my comment about this being an offense against God and nature says it all.
I'll leave you with this last statement from the Mayo Clinic.

Just removing sugar from cookies and chocolates doesn't make them low-calorie, low-fat foods. If you eat too many, you'll still get more calories than you may need, and you may not get enough nutritious foods. Unlike fruits, vegetables and whole grains, sugar-free soft drinks, candy and desserts often provide few — if any — beneficial nutrients.

Soap Box Wednesdays: Organic Foods- Health or Hype?

So this past weekend I was in D.C. and had Sunday brunch at one of my new favorite eateries, Le Pain Quotidien, which is an all organic French inspired cafe. You may remember me raving about my first experience here with Alihah in this post.  This time around it was Hillary's first time there, and I'm sure her expectations were high because Alihah and I hyped it up so much.  Unfortunately, it was kind of a bust. Their world class coffee was burned [and they refused to admit it was burned--eye roll] and Hill didn't seem to really enjoy her meal, which really sucks, cuz this place ain't cheap! Having tried her yogurt parfait, I have to admit, for the price it could've tasted better, more sweetness, less ginormous chunks granola that seemed more...er...fiber-ey (read sticks and twigs) than traditional granola.  Anyway, Hill's not so great meal led to a discussion about organic foods, healthy eating and how much of it is just overpriced hype, etc. 

Parfait? Everybody loves parfait!
cue Donkey from Shrek

Here's what I think: *steps on soap box*

In general I think that organic foods are worth the cost--and there is a reason why they cost more.  For me, organic foods aren't about what's in them, because some organic enthusiast will SWEAR that organic foods have more vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, etc, and that they taste better. I'm more concerned with what's NOT in organic foods, and that is that they are NOT grown using chemical fertilizers, pesticides, hormones, and antibiotics--which CURRENT research has linked to increased food allergies, reproductive problems, and cancers. I'm not in it for better taste--cuz American produce is as bland as it gets [am I right anyone whose been abroad and had the fruit?] and I'm not in it for increased amounts of vitamins and minerals because a well balanced diet [currently a work in progress for me] will take care of that. What I KNOW is that I have lots of produce allergies that I didn't have as a child and that those allergies magically disappear when I eat produce abroad.  What I KNOW is that as far as the modern American food industry is concerned, we have strewn TOO FAR from what God intended, interfered with nature, and we're the one's suffering for it--as the trend of 7 year old girls getting their periods indicates. 

It also seems like common sense to me, I mean why would you saturate the food we eat and the ground we grow it in chemicals.  How exactly is that NOT supposed to be harmful? As it turns out, I'm a bit of tree hugger, and modern/conventional farming techniques are not Eco-friendly. Back in the day long before modern food science started changing the way food was grown, farmers rotated their crops to preserve the nutrients in the soil and understood and more importantly respected that role of nature--i.e. bugs, birds, etc's role in growing crops.  Don't get me wrong, modern food science has done a multitude of good for our society--mass production of crops, food safety, etc, I'm just saying the pendulum has been too far to the "let's alter it to make it easier" side, and its becoming evident that its not to our benefit. Anyone female who has every been on a round of antibiotics should KNOW what kind of unpleasant side-effects they can cause, so why the hell should our beef and chicken be pumped full of that stuff, not to mention the fact that over use of antibiotics leads to drug-resistant bacteria--or did NO ONE really see that shit coming?? Cows are herbivores with four stomachs designed especially for digesting grass [I would know, I was an animal science major my freshman year] so why the hell are they being fed corn and soybeans? You have start asking yourself, what's been done to this food on my plate, and what is that doing to my body, my cells, my metabolic processes??  We are the experimental generation.  When modern farming started making these changes, there was no body of research that extended 30 and 40 years back--we're the lab rats. 

Its' More Expensive for a Reason

• Organic food supply is limited as compared to demand
• Production costs for organic foods are typically higher because of greater labour inputs per unit of output and because greater diversity of enterprises means economies of scale cannot be achieved
• Post-harvest handling of relatively small quantities of organic foods results in higher costs because of the mandatory segregation of organic and conventional produce, especially for processing and transportation;
• Marketing and the distribution chain for organic products is relatively inefficient and costs are higher because of relatively small volumes.

This is a hot topic, and there's a lot of stuff online, here are a few articles you can browse through to make up your mind

Forbes Magazine--Organic Food: Behind the Hype

Mind Mart--Going Organic

FAO-United Nations--Organic Agriculture

Conclusions

I'll admit some of organic trend is pure hype, like organic cookies...while on one hand they're made with organic butter and organic chocolate [which are also probably fair trade, apparently most commerical chocolate is picked my African and Brazilian children for slave labor--damn you snickers!] but at the end of the day its a cookie, full of butter is love and sugar.  I'm just sayin' cookies are one of those items you should limit your intake of, and if you're going to take the calorie plunge, you might as well get it at a better price right? I would apply this as a rule of thumb for any processed foods or fatty/sugary treats.  I would never advocate doing all of your grocery shopping at Whole Foods aka Whole Check. But there are some non organic items I won't go near, mostly milk, apples, and potatoes, see more in this article. I really want to switch to organic berries because If you hadn't noticed, I like to garnish my booze (and water!) with fresh berries, but they cost twice as much as regular berries and they don't exactly have the shelf life of a bag of potatoes. I have to pick and choose my organic foods--but as my earning power grows, so will my organic food selections.

*One more thing of note* if it doesn't have the USDA organic seal on it (pictured above), IT AIN'T ORGANIC. "All Natural" and similar terms are not regulated by the USDA and therefore mean absolutely nothing. So just in case you do choose to get down with the organic get down, don't get taken for a ride...

As far healthy eating is concerned, there's a lot of confusion about what constitutes "a healthy diet". My best advice is eat your damn vegetables (spring mix and potatoes don't count), drink lots of water, limit things that you KNOW are unhealthy (fried foods, processed foods, high sugar foods) and everything else in moderation. Granted I know its not necessarily that simple, but you don't have to eat like a rabbit to be healthy, and those "fat free" cookies aren't health food either, ya dig? But that's not with this SBW post is about--maybe next time around.

So have I convinced you to go organic, or at least swayed you towards appreciating organic foods? Any Topic Suggestions?

Desperate Times Call for Expensive Measures

So it's been a while since my last post.  And honestly, I debated back and forth whether or not to share this post for several reasons:
1. I'm a private person, I prefer to hold on to personal information rather than share it, even when to the average bear, the information seems arbitrary. [I certainly inherited this behavior from Linda (mommy), that woman can keep secrets, but I digress.]
2. In the spirit of keeping to the theme of this blog, (food, health policy, and the rantings of a crazy woman) this post doesn't necessarily fall neatly into any of those categories, and the key to a good blog is that it is focused, relatable, and entertaining. [and consistent, oops]
3. I'm a lazy ass heifer, and to demonstrate how the topic of this post falls into two of the three aforementioned categories to my full satisfaction means I can't just pull this post out of my ass.

BUT in the spirit of Belle and Toya's latest blog posts of "Do You Know Where You're Going To?" and considering that I haven't posted in almost a week and I'm trying to win this internal battle to not emulate some of Linda's crazier behaviors, I've decided to share.

Last night, I went to my very first, but certainly not last, private tutoring session for Quantitative & Qualitative Data Analysis & Statistics.

[you may be asking aloud, "What?" "Why?" and "How expensive?"]

Without actually telling you what that shit is if you don't already know [for those with inquiring minds, click the link above], I'll just say that its a critical health policy job skill that I LACK [thanks for fucking nothing Master's Degree in Health Promotion] and is a recurring theme that's beleaguered my ONGOING job search, and I've had ENOUGH!

It's not that I didn't know that I needed this job skill when I first began to realize that I hated my effin job and it was time for a new one. I just told myself, "I'll learn this skill in a semi-entry level position within the field." It's what I told myself when I had the mother of all epiphanies and realized that I wanted to work in Health Policy rather than Health Education. I even tried to take a formal class at the University of Baltimore a few months ago, but OF COURSE the intro level class is only offered in the FALL semester [and so help me God, if I'm still at this job come fall, I'm going to do this]. But it was last month, shortly after realizing that my phone interview was all I was going to get out of the PERFECT JOB and hot on the heels of a rejection email from a different job, I decided it was time to grab the bull by the horns.

Aren't you loving my dodgeball reference? I'm no underdog though,  purple cobras!

I have had enough of not even being able to apply to positions because this skill is a mandatory requirement for all applicants.  I have had some education in this subject area, but haven't used it since that take home final senior year of UNDERGRAD, after which I promptly began drinking in celebration of being "done" with my college studies. In hindsight, perhaps that was a poor choice, and in further hindsight, its more than obvious that my college studies are far from over. [God appreciates irony. Usually I do as well, but today, I do NOT].

So after 2 hours of basic statistics roundup, I'm a little bit smarter [it turns out, I'm not completely inept when it comes to this crap, its just requires me to really apply myself and focus] $XX poorer, feeling a bit more encouraged, and certainly 1/2 a step closer to getting where I want to be.

So yes, this post is a rant about how focused I am at getting a job in health policy, and yeah, I got a pile of homework waiting for me at home. So it turns out this is a health policy and rant post. Shazzaam!

If you were in my position, would you do the same? And are you just as pissed as I am that I didn't get this skill drilled into my brain in grad school like I was SUPPOSED to? Are any of my readers experts in this skill and willing to tutor me for free? (or for food, y'all know I like to cook!)

Ungrateful Heifer

I'm an ungrateful heifer.

I've been really really ungrateful this past year. The constant bitching and moaning about hating my job, hating Baltimore, not having enough friends who live locally, being broke, family woes, etc--[I may not have bitched to you about all of these things, but I've been bitchin']-- needs to quiet down for a bit.

So I'm trying to appease my ungratefulness by sharing with you my blessings. Because in spite of my struggles, there are many things I've been blessed with:

1. Having a job. Yeah, I'm not crazy about my job, but at least I have one, which means I can remain to live ALONE in my cute single gal apartment, in my totally awesome neighborhood which enables me to walk to work, walk to several bars and pizza shops. when the snow came, it was all good, everything was walking distance, and i was fortunate to have parked my car on the 1 block that wasn't "no parking during snow emergency" or else i would've been towed like many ppl in my 'hood. Jesus Loves Me.


2. Not getting dead in Baltimore. So I hate this city, but like my neighborhood most of the time [the gayborhood], and I don't need a roommate, [something I'll have to sacrifice once I move to the district]. I have, on more than one occasion, walked Kona waaay late at night, come home a little drunk from DC via the train waaay late at night, locked myself out of my apartment both times at night, and have not been a victim of a violent crime. The Lord protecteth babes and fools.

3. My friends and my sister. So I only have two close girlfriends who live in Maryland, and they live in Towson, a suburb of Baltimore. And even though we don't get together often enough because we're all busy and it's a pain sometimes to travel and find parking, not drive drunk, etc, whenever we do get together, its always great fun. But I ALSO have my older sister who lives in Baltimore, who lets' me do my laundry at her house, is always down for a movie date, and I'm friends with all her friends (I'm like their little sister) so I should try harder to hang out with her and her friends when mine aren't available. And all my other girlfriends live in the quad-state area. NY, DE, PA, VA. So its not like I have to catch a plane to play with them, it just requires planning and gas money.

4. Not Being that broke. It turns out, I'm not really that broke, I just wish I had MORE money to spend [and save]. I've been paying myself first via automatic debit to ING [Lawd bless it] AND still manage to shop smart every now and again fairly often. Remember that super amazing awesomely fantastic vacation I mentioned in this post?? Well plane tickets have been purchased! I'm spending 14 days in Spain and Morocco in July! and the best part is I'm going with my big sister, and two of my gal pals Hillary and Alihah . First stop: Barcelona, then Madrid, to Seville or some city close to it where my cousin in the Air Force lives [can you say FREE lodging?!], off to Marrakesh, and then back to Seville-ish. Can you say TAPAS?! Are you Jealous?! I also purchased my tickets to see Lady Gaga in DC [!!!] and I'm celebrating my Birthday next weekend at a swanky eatery. Obviously, I'm not too broke to enjoy myself.  I'll just be spending the next few [all] weekends at home. Who wants to come over and drink hang out this weekend??

5. My family. After seeing the movie Precious, let's just say I'll never complain again. My mom is NOT crazier than a barrel of monkeys, she just has a unique perspective, lol. And besides, it could always be worse. They just worry me sometimes, but whose family doesn't?

6. Small miracles. So I've lost my work badge a total of three times now. But each time I've lost it, I found it, which is great because otherwise I would have to pay $50 to replace it. Most recently, I thought I lost my work badge in Jersey while home for Easter. It turns out, I dropped it on the street while walking the poodle, and someone taped it to a street light post on my block. I also locked myself out of my apartment on Monday EVENING--like after 9pm, with the poodle! Normally my older sister has my spares, BUT this time my former coworker who lives in the city had them because she watched the poodle for me on MLK day. THANK GOD she had them because my sister was in Michigan on Monday. And I would've been shit out of luck. Did I mention that Jesus loves me?

7. I'm alive, of sound mind and body, of firm spiritual foundation, of solid moral compass. The Lord wakes me up each day, protects me from being hit by a car on my walk to work, and is obviously trying to teach me a lesson in faith and patience. So let me shut it up for a while, and be grateful for my blessings.

So even though I have had "a week", I'm not gonna bitch about it. I'm gonna county my current blessings, and prepare to receive my future ones.

Sorry to get all philosophical and preachy on you...I know its not what you expect from me, but I like to throw people off their game. [kinda like this game I play when I'm the 'burbs called oxymoron stereotypes, but I won't discuss that today, probably never actually]



Care to share any of your blessings?