Croque-Mademoiselle

Anyone that knows anything about French cooking knows that it can range from the ridiculously complex and sophisticated to the absurdly simple and rustic. It's what I love about French food. It's also what I hate about it. Those same anyones that know anything about French food also know that the complex simplistic nature of French cooking is what elevates the humble ham and cheese sandwich to the out of worldly goodness that is the croque-monsieur and the croque-madame. I don't know the history of these sandwiches, but what I do know is that some evil genius thought to add dijon mustard, copious amounts of melted butter with a thick layer of a gruyere cheese saturated béchamele on the outside of a black forest ham sandwich, plus or minus a fried egg. What I also know is that when I came home after pole class and errands Wednesday evening, I didn't have gruyere cheese, black forest ham, or the patience to make a béchamele sauce. BUT I did have applewood smoked bacon, shredded extra sharp cheddar, and dijon mustard. I think you know where I went with this. A new sandwich was born...

Ingredients
3 slices thick cut, applewood smoked bacon
1 egg, fried
2 slices whole wheat bread
3 oz shredded extra sharp cheddar
1 tbsp dijon mustard
2 oz rendered bacon fat (bacon grease, yeah son!)
Handful of fresh spinach and arugula
Fresh ground black pepper

On a heavy baking sheet, bake bacon in a 350 degree oven for 12-15 minutes. While bacon is in the oven, toast slices of bread until a light golden brown. Spread mustard on one slice of bread, and set aside. Place a heavy (or nonstick) skillet on medium-high heat, add bacon fat and a healthy dose of black pepper. Add unbeaten egg to skillet,  sprinkle the top with black pepper, and fry for about 2-3 minutes, until egg white is firm. Slide the egg around in pan, flip and fry it yolk side down for 15 seconds to 1 minute (depending on desired level of yolk doneness). When done, remove from pan, and set aside. Assemble sandwich by adding greens to mustard slathered slice of bread, add cooked bacon slices, and top with second slice of bread. Transfer  sandwich to the same baking sheet on which bacon was cooked directly onto the leftover bacon fat. Top sandwich with shredded cheddar, and place into a 400 degree oven for about 2 minutes, or until cheese is melted and bubbly. Remove from oven and top with fried egg, and serve immediately.

I don't think I have to tell you about how awesome this meal was, but I'm going to. It was slap the poodle good. That's right. Whilst eating this sandwich, I looked at my precious Kona, and wanted to slap him in his cute little face. Ok, that's not true, but you get my drift. 

Oh and there's more! Thanks to a dear friend who is home from Japan for the holiday season, and insisted on meeting up for drinks on a weekday, I have a large can of pineapple juice in my fridge. This is an occurrence rarer than Halley's Comet, seeing as how I only keep water, coffee, or booze in my apartment. So I made a potent potable to accompany my profanely good sandwich, and this time I named it.

I can't believe my basil plant has managed to survive for over 2 months!

The Yankee Belle
1 1/2 parts bourbon
2 parts pineapple juice
4 leaves fresh basil slightly crushed
Pour over ice, stir, don't shake

You're welcome :)

It's Pastelillos Tiiiiiiiime!

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! It's Pastelillos time!

What's so great about Pastelillos time? Well aside from my obvious reference to Jersey Shore [the most entertaining show on television and the greatest gift MTV has ever given the world] pastelillos are Puerto Rican meat pies, better known as empenadas, usually filled with chicken or pork, and deep fried. Need I say more? Me encanta la comida de Puerto Rico, but I can only get it when I'm home in Jersey, because much to my disappointment [but probably to the benefit of my wallet and waistline] there isn't much of a Puerto Rican community here in Baltimore. However, I'm convinced that after my Pandora's souffles fiasco, the universe is trying to make things up to me. Case in point, just last week, Keeley at My Life on a Plate made these delicious looking chicken empenadas. After reading the post, I immediately  wanted one several, and lamented these feelings in her comments section. Then right after I invited myself over to at dinner Keeley's house, I realized four things:

1.) I'm kind of a fat bastard, and while currently this is only a state of mind, it could very easily manifest itself physically if don't keep my shit in check.
2.) I totally had the ingredients to make my own pastelillos and I could save myself a two hour drive home and an awkward conversation with my mom about why I only came home for Puerto Rican food.
3.) That I'm not a fat bastard yet, and I can start keeping my shit in check right after I made these deep fried meat pies.
4.) Keeley is an alumni of my Alma mater, and she, Latoya, Hillary and I could totally have a blogger meet up spectacular at homecoming next weekend. Shazaam! [Go Blue Hens!]

I debated whether or not to buy pre-made pastry rounds or make the dough myself because I'm a lazy foodie, and would actually prefer not to make my own dough. But after watching Private Practice on Thursday and realizing that Friday was the kickoff to Halloween weekend, I decided to stay my single female ass indoors and make the dough myself. There's nothing like the fear of being assaulted on the street and losing my kick ass parking spot on a Friday night to shake the lazy right out of me. In fact, I'll preface this recipe right now by saying it was labor intensive. From the dough to the filling to not having the appropriate size pan for deep frying, I put in work for this dish. But it was a labor of love, and I'm quite proud of my MacGuyver kitchen skills. Don't act like you don't remember MacGuyver, he was bad ass, and I loved that show! With that said, this recipe is not authentically Puerto Rican in any way, but it was delicious!

Ingredients
Dough (adapted from Rican Recipes)

3 1/3 cup all purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
3 tbsp unsalted butter (cold, cut into cubes)
1 egg (well beaten)
3/4 cup cold water
1 tbsp vegetable oil
Vegetable oil (at least 32oz)

Mix flour, salt and baking powder. Cut the butter into the flour mixture. Whisk the egg and water, and oil together, and add liquid mixture to flour, thoroughly mixing with a fork, until you form a large dough ball. Set aside while making the filling.

Filling (a MacGuyver style original)
2 boneless pork chops, finely cubed
2 slices thick cut, apple wood smoked bacon, chopped
1/2 large onion, finely chopped
1 garlic clove, minced
Fresh ground black pepper
1 pinch saffron threads
1 tsp cumin
1 tbsp olive oil

Chop/mince the onion and garlic and set aside. Cutting up 2 medium pork chops into finely cubed pieces took considerable effort. Traditionally pastelillos are filled with ground or shredded meat, but since I don't own a functioning  food processor [I have pieces of one I got on freecycle, but that's a story for another day] I had to get old school with it. I have a new appreciation for pre-ground meet, pricey gadgets, and slavery [yeah, son]. Combine the chopped pork and chopped bacon with the seasoning, make sure meat is well coated. Heat olive oil in a heavy skillet on medium high heat, and add onion and garlic. Saute about three minutes, then add meat, cook about 4-5 minutes. Remove from heat, set aside.

Take dough, and cut into 10 pieces. Work each piece with a rolling pin [or in my case, an empty wine bottle that I saved as a souvenir from España] into the size of a small plate. Add 2 tbsp of meat filling per pastelillo, coat the edge with a little water and fold over. Seal edges with a fork. When oil is hot [365F for those with frying thermometers] submerge one pastry into oil. Cook about two minutes on each side or until golden brown and crisp. Remove from oil and place on a plate with paper towels to absorb oil.

But wait, there's more!

I ran out of meat with two rolled out pastries left. Then I had one of those light bulb moments that I love. I remembered I had some left over frozen raspberries from the souffles and some marscarpone cheese.

Dolci Pastelillos
3oz raspberries
3oz marscarpone cheese
1/2 tsp fresh shaved cinnamon
2 tsp sugar

Combine ingredients in a bowl and spoon mixture into pastry rounds. Fold over and press sealed with a fork. Fry in hot oil about two minutes on each side. Remove from oil, and let cool on paper towels. Drizzle with remaining raspberry juice.

I don't think I have to tell you how damn good this entire meal was. Oh and in case you're wondering what those greens on my plate were, it was Swiss chard sauteed in rendered bacon fat and black pepper. I may have a problem when it comes to bacon. But fear not, in the face of my obvious unhealthy obsession with bacon, I'm putting the bacon in the freezer and going vegetarian for the next week or two.

Manchego & Basil Bacony Grilled Cheese

All hail the queen of bacon...and that queen would be me! I don't see you hailing...*waiting*...*hailing ensues*...that's better. Actually, now that I mention it, I wonder if there is some bacon themed pageant somewhere out there in this great nation of ours. Can't you just picture it? Somewhere in a fly-over state, there's some poor little 9 year old girl dressed like a 27 year old street walker with a fake tan, trannie make-up, and a painfully big smile plastered on her dead behind the eyes little face while she parades around a stage like a show dog trying trying to earn the love of her overbearing and tragically desperate mother by living out her unfulfilled dreams.  Ok, so obviously I have some strong opinions about child pageants, but I would gladly pay money to observe grown ass women participate in a bacon beauty pageant. That's just too good of an imaginary opportunity to laugh my ass off while burning with secret envy to pass up. But as always I digress.

Manchego isn't typically used in grilled cheese, because it's not a very melty cheese. I typically don't have the capacity to keep anything alive that doesn't poop or bark [and even then, I have my moments] but somehow I have managed to keep my potted basil plant alive and thriving for three whole weeks. So in celebration of the things that shouldn't be, I decided to combine these two ingredients to make the ultimate grilled cheese. Where's the bacon? Glad you asked. There's isn't any actual bacon in the sandwich, but I did fry it in left over bacon grease from my morning's breakfast. You read that right mi amores, left over bacon grease--don't knock it till you try it.

Ingredients
Sandwich
2 slices whole wheat bread
(lots) Machego cheese, sliced

6-7 leaves basil

Fresh ground black pepper

1 tbsp butter

3 oz rendered bacon fat (foodie speak for bacon grease)

you know I didn't just eat a grille cheese sandwich alone...

Lemon Roasted Broccoli

2 cloves garlic, finely chopped

2 large broccoli crowns, chopped

1 lemon, juiced

olive oil

Sea Salt

Fresh ground black pepper

Assemble sandwich by layering the sliced cheese with basil leaves. Generously season with black pepper. Heat bacon fat and butter in skillet on medium heat. Add sandwich to pan and press flat with spatula, hold for about 30 seconds. Cover skillet with lid and let sandwich cook for 2 minutes. Flip sandwich, press flat with spatula and let cook another 2-3 minutes on second side, or until cheese is melted and bread is browned and crisp. 

Chop broccoli into small bites, toss with chopped garlic, lemon juice, olive oil, salt and pepper. Roast in a 400 degree oven for about 15 minutes until roasty and delicious.

The sandwich was awesome, basil makes everything better, and though manchego isn't the meltiest cheese, the flavor is fantastic. And the bacon flavor was the perfect amount wrong and delicious. I am a genius.

Relapse is a Sumbitch!

So you may recall that in my most recent post, I discussed my addiction the evil drug that is sugar, lambasted our sugar saturated food culture, and vowed to take proactive and reactive measures to greatly reduce my glucose intake for the sake of my overall health, my skin, and my future waistline. But just as everyone else that has struggled with substance abuse, I too have fallen victim to a relapse.  See right what had happened was, I'm currently in Atlanta at a learning institute conference for work. Having arrived at my hotel yesterday, there was of course, a welcome reception, and there was of course a ton of so-so hotel food. To my pleasant surprise, however, the desserts table was actually full of  options that my highly discriminating palette finds not only acceptable, but delicious. Things like french macaroons, mini fruit tarts, mini-cake slices *not* covered in butter cream frosting, and my all time favorite dessert, mini key lime pies.  Like I've mentioned before, I'm not a fan of extreme measures, and I sure as hell don't believe in completely restricting any food I find enjoyable from my diet, but rather enjoy it with conservative moderation. So without really thinking about it, I indulged myself. I mean, there were mini key lime pies AND French macaroons; I wasn't even trying to resist. Things went from bad, to greedy, to girls who eat their feelings. I knew going back for that third plate of desserts was just wrong, and completely out of character for me, but I couldn't help myself. Well, there's a moral to this story. A mere two hours after my third plate of dessert, I was curled in a ball with a MAJOR tummy ache. And about twenty minutes later, I was up close and personal with the toilet of my hotel bathroom. Yes that's right, I retched my guts up, along with 2 mini key lime pies, 4 french macaroons, 2 slices of cake, and a mini fruit tart. [that was probably tmi, but whatevs]

God don't like ugly, he sure hates stupid, and severely punishes the gluttonous.

Guess whose back on the wagon, and walked past the desserts table at lunch today, and kept it moving past the fondue table at dinner tonight?

Lesson Learned!

La Comida: Jamón, Jamón con Patatas, Jamón con Huevos, y Màs Jamón

How many different ways can you eat jamon? Just ask the Spanish, the possibilities, apparently, are endless! I've never eaten so much pork in my life, let alone in a two week span of time! Obviously, the Spaniards are into ham. and sausage. and eggs. and cheese. and potatoes. and bread. and more jamòn. and NOT vegetables. How they don't drop dead at age 50 is beyond me, but I'm going to chuck it up to all the olive oil, red wine, walking, and LIVING life rather than working it. Quite frankly, jamòn was a recurring theme on most restaurant menus, became a the running joke of our entire trip, and will now forever hold a special place in my heart. Thank You, Spain!

In general, the food was good. Not great, not life changing, [for life changing food, go to Italy, as I plan to to do again in the next three years!] but good. The food lacked variety, for obvious reasons, and they Spanish just didn't seem as passionate about fresh, quality ingredients as some of their other European neighbors. With that said, I'll share some of my favorite dishes with you.

Paella de Arroz Negro

I didn't eat as much seafood as I thought I would, especially in Barcelona, mostly because the Spanish are really into octopus, and I'm really NOT. But the this paella was amazing. Shrimp with the heads still on and mussels really freak me out. But this dish was so good, I just detached the heads and got over my fear of mussels and kept it moving. I even ate around the octopus pieces. It was THAT good.

Chorizo

I can't put my finger on what makes it so great. Maybe it's the light saltiness, or the smokiness, or the fact that it oozes bright orange oil. I dunno, but this chorizo and tomato bocadillo with olive oil from a small bar in Madrid was the tastiest sandwich I had in all of Spain. It was so simple, yet really really good. I even bought some chorizo here and recreated this sandwich, which I of course followed with some vegetables. It wasn't as good as the original, but darn close.

Patatas Bravas

This was the house specialty at the Argumosa restaurant in Madrid. They don't look like much, but that sauce was effin delicious. And, when the potatoes where all gone, we sopped up the rest of the sauce with bread. Yeah, son. It's like that.

¡Sobrasada!

hands down, my favorite dish in Spain.

Served on bread with melted manchego at some restaurant in El Puerto de Santa Maria.  It was LIFE. CHANGING. It was SLAP YO' MAMA GOOD! I almost creamed my pants eating this dish. Seriously. I wanted to live in this sauce!  I tried to buy some to bring home, but sadly, what they had at the market required refrigeration.  But I think I may have  found it on a website in a jar. But if that doesn't work out, I'm sure I can work my Spain connections if I get desperate. Right primo?

Ribs

I think this pictures pretty much says it all. Dinner at Parrilla in El Puerto de Santa Maria. It took me three days to finish them. 3 glorious days! And if you didn't know already, hear me know, the Spanish [and all other Spanish speaking people] KNOW how to work a pig. Keep that in mind when eating Latin food.

Vegetables!
The Moroccans understood the importance of vegetables, God bless them for it! I was so hard up for some plant based food, I ate vegetables that I typically hate, like beets and pumpkin, and loved them!

The pumpkin and beets were sweet, and chilled, and scrumptious. why can't they taste like that here?!

Lamb Tangine

Where do I start on this one. First, there were more vegetables, generously seasoned and deliciously cooked. And the lamb, it was so tender, I could cut it with my fork. This was an expensive dinner for our first night in Marrakech, but totally worth it.

Honey Pastries

These sweet treats were delicious! I don't know what they are called, the green one was filled with pistachio, the other was some sort of deep fried dough and tasted of and cinnamon and with a hint of cloves, both were drenched in honey! There were so many different types pastries in the market, I wish I had tried more!  And I must mention the Moroccan honey. It had a distinct flowery flavor, it was a dark amber color, and tasted far better than any honey I've ever had here. I really wish I had made more of an effort to buy some, but that's what my next trip to Marrakech is for.

All in all, I enjoyed the food enough. And guess what, I've been craving jamòn for days, lol! I now present to you a slide show of the collective eatings of España and Morocco.

::side bar:: I'm well aware that salsa music is a Cuban original, not a Spanish one. But I love this song :)

Maple Bacon Pancakes

You read that right.  Maple. Bacon. Pancakes.

I should preface this by saying I love breakfast food, LOVE it. I think pancakes are literally the best thing since sliced bread [or before sliced bread, I wonder which came first...no matter, pancakes are awesome] and I think I've already established that I literally believe that bacon makes the world a better place. So when I came upon a recipe that combined the two greatest American breakfast foods EVER into one, I realized that God really does love me, and that his was my consolation prize for STILL not having my prayers of a new job answered.

You first need to understand, that not all pancakes are created equal. I've long outgrown the "just add water" mix pancakes, discovered that Bisquick pancakes are too heavy, and realized that it was high time I found the perfect pancake recipe and perfected my pancake making technique in order to be satisfied. I mean how can I continue to subject my friends and family with unsolicited food snobbery, if I can't make a decent batch of pancakes?? So I scoured the world wide web, browsed scores of cookbooks, and traveled across land and sea on  an international food quest to find the perfect pancake recipe. OK, obviously, that's not true [but now that I mention it, an international food quest sounds like something I should do before I die] I simply went to one of my favorite food blogs, foodgawker [not the best website to visit when you're hungry] and came across this amazing yet simple recipe from the Cozy Kitchen blog. Not only do I love the recipe, but I immediately fell in love with the blog, because as a preface to the recipe, the author told a hilarious story of how she has dream that she has a pet pig, and in her dream, the pig glares at her with contempt as she makes these pancakes.  It very much reminded me of the first watched the movie Babe, and was eating sausage and damn near crying when Babe's mother was sent to the slaughter house. I mean, it was really really sad, but that sausage was really really good. Obviously, this is a woman after my own heart, and bacon lust, and pancake perfection. But as usual, I digress...

Ingredients

2 cup of all-purpose flour

2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp sugar
2 egg, lightly beaten
2 3/4 cup buttermilk
3 tbsp pure maple syrup (not that Aunt Jemima crap)
butter
6 slices of bacon, sliced horizontally and then diced

In a medium pan, cook the bacon, over medium heat, stirring frequently, until cooked. About 6-8minutes. Remove the bacon to a paper towel, to remove excess fat.

In a medium bowl, mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and sugar. Add the lightly beaten eggs and buttermilk, and syrup in two batches, don’t over mix, or you will end up with tough pancakes. There will be some small to medium lumps in the batter. Let the batter sit for 10 minutes to thicken a bit.

While the batter is resting, heat up your griddle, cast iron skillet, or heavy frying pan, (Cast iron is best, but if you're like me and don't own one, use your heaviest skillet w/o a nonstick surface) and slowly melt enough butter to evenly coat the pan on medium heat. Once the batter is done resting, lightly fold the bacon in the batter. Pour batter into your skillet, cook until bubbles form along the sides. Flip, then cook until browned. Be sure to add more butter between each pancake.
*If your pan gets to hot, turn heat off briefly before adding butter, otherwise your butter will burn, your pancakes will suck, and your house will be filled with smoke*

I know traditionally, most people add a dollop of butter to their pancakes. But if you just cooked your pancakes in butter, you don't need to add more. Butter may be love, but there's a not so thin line between love and fat. Serve with pure maple syrup, and enjoy. Lord knows I did. For 3 days--that was a lot of pancake batter.

see all that butter? that's what love looks like

*note the crisp edges and browned center*

my first batch, I know these pictures a sucky, but I was hungry

My second batch. again, I was hungry, and wasn't about to switch plates for pretty pictures. Sorry y'all

Just in case you were wondering, they were bacony, and buttery, and fluffy, and GLORIOUS!
best pancakes EVER!

The "Luther" and other Fatness at the Beach

I hope everyone had a good Memorial Day weekend! I sure did, which is why I'm just blogging about it now. [still no policy post...I'll get to it I swear!] As to be expected on this momentous holiday [did you stop to remember our veterans?] there was beaching, boozing, and BBQing . I now present to you, my trip down fatness lane:

Saturday it rained off and on, so rather than hit the beach, we did Delaware TAX FREE outlet shopping! [I was a very good girl, purchased only vacation necessities and spent less than $50]. A breakfast fit for shopaholics was necessary, which, of course meant donuts!

"The Luther"  If you are a fan of the Boondocks, (start at 2:01) you should know what I'm talking about, lol.

Its actually a Prunewich from the Fracture Prune Donut Shoppe. If there is one near you, check them out. Best.Donuts.EVER!

*In my defense, its not actually as bad as the Luther, the donuts aren't glazed and its not a hamburger*

**Defense killer: It was effin' delicious and I didn't feel an ounce of guilt for eating it. Not one ounce**

***again, in my defense, I would never eat more than two of these a year, seriously***

The Donuts. Oh you thought I went to Fractured Prune and just got a prunewich? Umm....negative!

French Toast & Strawberry Shortcake. Orgasmic! And the coffee with cream, no sugar, was a perfect complement!

had to do the promo shot. Those are Joe's hands, not mine [obviously]

So I was too hungry to take pictures of the wings and pizza for dinner, but really there's nothing special about pizza and wings anyway. On to Dewey!

I did mention there was boozin, right? [that's Joe, Hill's boo-love, not some random white guy, LOL]

There was no way we weren't taking a pic with Allen from the Hangover!
*It should be mentioned that Dewey Beach Nightlife is very college night life like. It brings fond memories from UD*

Sunday at Rehoboth Beach!

You know, we actually didn't take a single pic of us lounging about on the beach. There was entirely too much girl talk going on for that.  And then we got hungry....

What the fastest growing burger chain in the country that's so good that even Obama [Hope & Change!] has been famously seen going there that's now at the beach and you wouldn't think its what you want to eat at the beach until you see it and the smell lures you in the door and before you know it you're ordering a meal??

That's right, it's 5 Guys!

The grease spots = love. Kinda like butter, but peanut oil instead.

The Rehoboth Beach tradition as dictated by Thrashers (best fries on the boardwalk) is ketchup is for burgers, salt and malt vinegar are for fries! <3

and then there was the cheeseburger with ketchup, mustard, lettuce, tomato, and grilled onions. It was GLORIOUS.

I got a "Little Burger" rather than the regular because sitting behind us on the sand there was this Asian barbie doll chick with ridiculous breast implants and zero body fat, which was pissing me off as I was stuffing my face with 5 Guys. Go figure.

Great BBQ. Almost no pics.

So after the beach, I went Toya's for her first BBQ as a Wife and Homeowner [an hour north of the beach, yeah I was a road warrior!] Needless to say all that driving [with the poodle in tow] was exhausting. I was having way too much fun and too tired to remember to take pics of all the food I ate. But I do have these gems...

Lots of laughing, lots of boozing

Blueberry Yum Yum. Oh yes

Its a shame I didn't take pics of the food, there were the usual: burgers, hot dogs, potato salad. And there were some pluses, like mac n cheese, seafood salad and crabs. I actually did think about taking pics of the crabs, but by then I was already elbow deep in old bay. and besides, we all know eating crabs looks a lot like this:

not a good look, son.

But at the end of the day, or more like 2am, it was a great and tasty weekend.

Happy Memorial Day!