Christmas Swag

A Merry Christmas it was indeed. Hope everybody had a Merry ChristmaHanuKwanzaaKah. [even if Kwanzaa if the Milli Vanilla of Holidays]. My mom got me everything I asked for, and more! I've already put my new digital scale to use, and plan on spending my day off tomorrow curled up with Julia! Be prepared for involved french recipes, coming to this blog real soon.

And as for the "and more"...

When did that happen?!

You know how you take a break from blogging one day, and 21 days later you still haven't blogged? What about when you go on weekend trips, and start off taking pictures of everything with the intention of blogging about your trip, but then you drink 6 or so mimosas at brunch and fear that you're too drunk to safely handle your expensive camera, thus taking 0 pictures after the first few hours of said boozy brunch? How about when you share your absurd 30 before 30 list, and want to talk about some of the progress you've made only to have very little photographic evidence of such progress? And don't even get me started on the back log of recipes to blog about. No really, don't get me started, there aren't that many recipes backlogged, I've been suffering from serious foodie's block. Add to all of these things a big move and new roommates and what you've got is ME!

But you know how it goes, some days you feel like a nut, and some days you feel like drinking a bottle of wine with your new roommate. ¡Salud! There is much to be said about change, especially when it's change for the better, but why talk when I can show. If you will, here's my life in pictures, I promise some of these things I will get around to blogging about it...eventually.

Finally trying the famous Woodberry Kitchen for big sister's birthday. It lives up to all the hype and then some. I must return!

My Fast Likes Winning!

Hola lovers! I'm back! I'm sure you're thinking, where the EFF have I been? Or why the EFF am a week late announcing the giveaway winner? And I'm sure you're definitely thinking you don't want to hear about another damn rabbit hole for as long as you live and blog. Am I right? I know I'm so tired of falling down rabbit holes, I could vomit. But you know, life happens, and it turns out, I'm not as good at multitasking as I thought I was. But no worries, I'm here now, and I've got news! For starters, the winner of the oh so colorful kitchen set is Noelani from Mon Petit Chou Chou! Congrats lady, inbox me so I can snail mail you your gift :-)

And for my news....

Damn Rabbit Hole...



{Source}

Hola guapos! I just wanted to do a quick "I'm sorry for being incognegro" (again) and let you know that I'll be back soon. Somebody decided that I just didn't have quite enough on my plate at the moment, and decided to sling shot a veritable smorgasbord of bullshiggity and stress my way. Needless to say, things are a little hectic at the moment. I'm also in the process of trying to read all the Harry Potter books in time to see the last movie, because I can't in good conscience, see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 without knowing all the intricate details that get lost when literature becomes cinema. I mean really, the last two movies, there were obviously things missing, and I was confused (and a bit scared, but more on that in a moment).  And I should note that immediately following my conquest of seven 5 1/2 books (almost done with book two, details on why I'm not further along to come), I'm going to promptly read my Bible, because I'm gonna level with you, Harry Potter kind of scares the crap out of me, and makes me begrudgingly acknowledge that my mom may have been right about witchcraft and wizardry perhaps not being the sort of stuff children (or 25+ year old scardy cats such as my self) should read, and the kind of thing Jesus might frown upon. Oops..

What the french toast, man?!

Hey Hey Hey Hey..smoke weed everyday

Hey guys! Sorry for my unexplained absence. Don't you just love when I go all blog silent and crap? I actually always feel really guilty about it, but sometimes, $hit happens and I can't blog, and sometimes nothing actually happens, but I still can't blog. But anyways, now I'm back! or so I thought. I was all set to blog up a storm this week, catch you guys up on all the new stuff I haven't talk about AND hit you with my Soap Box Wednesday post. But as fate would have it, the cord that charges my laptop ripped, and I can't really use my computer until the new one I bought on EBay arrives. That is exactly what I wanted to spend some un-budgeted cash on just 13 days before my return to Spain (excited!). Not awesome. But regardless, the real issue is that I've just been absurdly disorganized. My charging cord didn't stop working until Monday. What the hell did I do with my time last week? How can I do better? Where's my car?


To all my everyday bloggers, how on earth do you do it? I don't understand, between "work", poodle-wrangling, poling, and cooking and now attempting to get my Etsy shop off the ground, I often feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to write from that special ranty, profane, and greedy place inside my heart. I keep saying I've got to do better, but I'm actually at a loss of how to do that. So any suggestions would be helpful, because I'm all a mess these days. And that's just no bueno.

Anyways, I'm off to pole. Catch y'all later.

Down and Up



 I'm sure you've noticed I've been MIA--a blantant violation of my blog resolutions. I apologize, but I had a rough week. It invovled rejection e-mails, a migraine, and a poodle with pink eye--yeah, dogs can get pink eye, who knew?! So needless to say, I was in no condition to blog. Fast forward to the weekend, and I was in full recovery.  I got "over it" and I baked brownies for my Etsy shop (Thanks DFig & Maddy!), made waffles,  cleaned my apartment, caught up on my blogs, and was feeling like myself again. I was all ready to write up my Meatless Monday post Sunday evening, that is of course, until I watched my beloved Army Wives. If you don't watch this show, you should! If you do watch the show, then I'm sure you, too, were boohooing your eyes out for 60 consecutive minutes, just as I was. And when I say boohooing, I mean, BOOHOOING--like sobbing into my glass of wine! It's moments like these that I'm glad I live alone, because it was a bit embarrassing--except it wasn't, because even though the characters on the show are fictional, the storyline portrays the hard reality of our country's military families with powerful accuracy, and that in itself is worth a few tears. So it should come as no suprise that I was exhuasted from all the crying and the drinking wine with tears in it, and just couldn't get it together to write my blog post. I thought I could get up this morning and do it--but those of you who know me well are probably laughing at that notion--morning person I am NOT.

But what goes down must come up, and today I'm feeling better, and I owe that to a few special people out there.

Product Review...and Impending Revenge...

Tyler Florence needs to watch his back...because I'm coming for him, and soon. Why, you ask? I'll get to that in a minute. A few weeks ago, the good folks at CSN contacted me and asked if I would would like to feature a product review on my blog. In case you didn't know, CSN has over 200 stores where you can find everything from a wooden swing set for your crumb snatcher(s) to a gorgeous wine rack for your kitchen, to shoes and boots! My initial response to their inquiry was shock--I mean, not that it matters to me, but my blog is but a very small fish in a very large pond. I wondered if they had the wrong blog, or if they thought I have a larger following than I do, or if actually have a larger following than I realize, and are there more of you guys, reading, but not commenting, but laughing and eating and thinking as a result of my blog? Hmm, I wondered. My second response to their request was, of course,  HELLZ YEAH, I'll feature a product review!! Anyone who knows me well, understands just how much I love cooking and kitchen gadgets and accessories. I consider window shopping in Williams-Sonoma just as awesome as trying on expensive boots in Nordstrom. It's like that that for me. So an opportunity to add a much needed item to my kitchen tools collection for free AND put in my two cents about it is too good an opportunity to pass up.

Now back to Tyler Florence and my plot for revenge. Remember in this post, how I thought I made this amazing Moroccan Chicken dish, until his "ultimate" rendition of this dish burst my over-inflated bubble? Well per my vow to restore honor to my name, I've decided to review a product that is necessary to take on Mr. Florence's recipe. And then, after we battle to the death delicious, victory shall be mine! Tyler, you've been warned...

*bwhahahaaha*

Sticky Buns, Prelims and Pictures (Oh My!)

Ok, I know you're wondering what the fudge happened to that "culinary masterpiece" I was attempting to blog about, but couldn't because of technical difficulties. You're also probably wondering where the hell is my meatless Monday post? Well the culinary masterpiece that has yet to make it's blog debut is far from meatless, and my meatless meals last week were far from blog worthy. So to make it up to you, I'm finally delivering on a promise I made many many months ago, that you've probably long since forgotten about. But I'll get to that later. Let's take a stroll down memory lane, shall we?

A while back, I made sticky buns from a recipe I saw on My Life on a Plate, which Keeley adapted from the Barefoot Contessa. But because I was in a rush when I was making them, I forgot to take pictures of the finished product. Well my pole dancing studio, Xpose Fitness, was hosting the preliminary round of their annual Miss Xpose Fitness pageant Saturday evening, and I decided to bring those sticky buns to the party. Actually, I had been looking for an excuse to make them, as I had been craving them for weeks, but needed someone to share the calories love with. History has a way of repeating itself, and I found myself once again rushing to make them and get out the door. But at least I got a picture of the finished product this time around, albeit they were a little more caramelized than I intended, but still good, still good!

Messy but delicious

Even though I like the almost burt sugar effect, I realize I need to adjust my oven temperature for this recipe 



As for the competing ladies, I must say I was wowed. These women demonstrated some advanced tricks and amazing skill level. Naturally because of the low lighting, my pictures are awful. And to ad insult to injury, my camera died half way through the evening so I only have but a few pictures to share. I was initially hesitant to post pictures of the competitors, because I don't have their permission. However, because of the epic fail that is my camera, you can't really see their faces at all, so no harm no foul. And I definitely have some goals to work toward now.

And without further adieu, I promised, and I delivered my pole pictures! After seeing the pictures, I debated about sharing them, purely because my technique leaves much to be desired. Buuut, I figured there's nothing like a great set of before and after pictures, and now I know exactly what I need to work on. Please bear in mind, however, that I took these pictures after an intense 50 minute class, so I was very fatigued. I'll make sure to be fresh and fit next time.

The Pretzel, it's a work in progress

The Figure Four, not at my best though, I'm overarched

A two hand Layout, I'm over arched (again)

A true Layout, but my free arm should be extended behind me. I'm working on it

Happy Monday :)

The Hell?!

I've been experiencing technical difficulties while trying to post about my latest culinary masterpiece. As you know, I'm a woman of limited patience. So I'm currently trying my best to not have an office space moment. Hopefully I'll be up and running again in a few hours. But until then, please enjoy the following:

Because we've all been tempted to go there at one point or another...

Filler Foods: Parte Dos

This wouldn't happen if I had his schedule

Ok, you caught me. I don't have a real post for you today. I'm sorry, but I've been legitimately busy! I've been writing application essays, hustling to DC for Health Policy networking events, washing a month and a half's worth of laundry (no, seriously) and resisting the urge to throw a bitch fit at work over silly  time consuming projects and problems. BUT I did promise to blog 3x a week in the twenty'leven, so I'm not going to leave you hanging. Y'all know I cook way more often than I blog, so there are plenty of dishes that never make to the blog--usually because I forget to take a full set of pictures or just don't think their blog worthy. So here goes...

Cheddar Chive Spoon Bread.
It was good, but I want to make it great

Sweet potato fries before I burned them in the oven

Apple and Cheddar Sandwich with Arugula. I wish I had better pics, it was amazing

the makings of ultimate hot chocolate 

and I do mean ultimate!

Linguini in a garlic cream chive sauce. My arteries still haven't forgiven me

Chicken in Moroccan Spices. Always a win

A mushroom Tart turned quiche. A technical fail, but still tasty

Manger, Comer, Mangiare

Remember that wall quote that I won from the BonBon Rose Girls blog way back when? I was so exited to have won a blog giveaway, and promptly ordered my custom designed wall quote to spruce up my kitchen. I just knew that as soon as my package was delivered, I was going to set up jazz up my kitchen walls with my awesome wall quote, accentuated with some of the post cards from my travels, and share pictures of the finished product. Well...things didn't go exactly as planned. My wall quote was delivered shortly after I ordered it, and instead of setting it up immediately, I let it sit in the box it came in for two whole months. To say that I like to put off doing projects is an understatement. But the wait is over (for all of us).  I finally got off my ass and finished this project. It was easier than I thought it would be, and I couldn't be happier with the final look. Please pardon the pictures, but the lighting in my kitchen is horrid. And it really is time for me to upgrade cameras. Le sigh...

New Year's List Making

¡Feliz Año Nuevo!

How were everyone's holidays? Did you miss me? Are you ready to ring my neck for my ridiculous long absence from the blog? I know at least one person who is, lol. I'm sorrrrry! In my defense, I've been distracted. I could blame my absence on the busyness of the holidays and the fact that I'm working on applications for bigger and better things yet to come, but in reality, those are just excuses. And you guys deserve better than that. So in light of the turn of the year, I've decided to make some changes. I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions, but I firmly believe in the power of list making. With 2010 behind me, and not having worked out entirely the way I planned, and 2011 staring me in the face, and me not having a clue what to do with it, I've put together a list of 5 things I want  to work on for myself and for the blog. And as far as I'm concerned, there is a difference. So here goes:

1. Blog 3 times a week. I can't really expect  to continue my awesome blogger experience if I'm only blogging once a month. And seeing as how I only have to care for myself (and Kona) and only have one job, I think it's reasonable goal, and I'm sure it will make some of my regulars happy :)

2. Meatless Monday. I'm introducing a new weekly blog installment, that will feature vegetarian dishes. It's in line with the nationwide Meatless Monday Movement. I'll tell you more about in on...

3. Soap Box Wednesdays! They're coming back, but I'm changing it to once a month. I suspended them because I ran out of ideas, and then when I did have ideas, I didn't have enough time to do my research. A monthly post will allow me the adequate  time to do the proper amount of research. That way I can say "I told you so!" with concrete evidence to back me up.

4. Health Policy posts. I think my last policy post was 6 months ago, which is shameful considering the goal of this blog and that I'm STILL pushing for a job in this field. I've gotten some good suggestions from you guys on topics to explore, and I've got an absurd back log of policy blog posts and papers to read. My goal is one hard core policy post a month.

5. Aesthetic changes. I really want to pretty up my blog in various ways, so just look out for new changes and maybe new features.

Well that's all I have for now. Thank you for your patience, and I'll see you lovelies tomorrow.

Oh and P.S., sorry I've been absent from reading and commenting on your blogs, I've got some serious catching up to do, and that's what Mondays are for ::

Political Crumbs

Hola, all! If you've followed the blog for a while, you know that I'm not afraid to talk about politics. Usually, any political commentary I share is rooted in the topic of health policy, which is part of the purpose of this blog. I know I've been silent on the policy posts for far too long, but that's a story for another day. Today, however, I just wanted to share with you a letter to the editor that I submitted to the Baltimore Sun yesterday via President Obama's personal website. If you're a member of the website, you know that they send emails every damn day fairly regularly, and I shamefully ignore 99% of them. But yesterday, they sent an email that I couldn't ignore. It simply requested that we the people, who are in support of the repeal of Don't ask Don't tell, speak up and write to our local and national newspapers to voice our support . So that's exactly what I did. And guess what? It got published on the Baltimore Sun's website! I don't know about you, but this kind of made my day. It feels good to know that despite the cluster f*ck that is the state of our society, our country, and the world at large, my opinion has been heard. You can read my actual statement here, and it was also mentioned in the editorial section on the Sun's website.

I am liberal, hear me rawr :-]

iWon!



{Source}

Have ever had an epically bad day? The kind of a bad day where you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning and then something goes wrong, so you accept the fact that you're having a bad day and expect that your next day will be better. Instead, the next day you not only do you wake up in a sour mood AGAIN, but more shit happens? And what was one bad day morphs into a string of bad days that snowballs into a complete and utter shit storm that blows your whole damn week to high hell? Well that was the story of my life the week before Thanksgiving. I'm talking seven days of shiggity and calamity that made had me convinced I suck at life [because I did not handle things well] and seriously had me questioning who I offended so deeply that they could incite the furies of fate to disassemble the ongoings of my life one day after the other after the other, etc. To whom this may concern: whatever I did to piss you off and have you crap on my week, I'm sorry! I'm sorry for calling children crumb snatchers, I'm sorry for saying that some babies are ugly, I'm sorry for threatening to punch Kona in his cute little face, I'm sorry for any and everything that upset you!  Now could you PULEASE leave me in peace for at least 6 months?? I've been a job that hate for far too long and am literally at the edge of reason, and I can't handle too much drama in a short span of time. Please and thank you!

That said, because I was having such a crap week, I couldn't even bring myself to get excited about the fact that I actually won a blog giveaway. I'm a loyal follower the BonBon Rose Girls blog. It's a great getaway read for me, full of lovely fashion finds for me to drool over, and awesome giveaway opportunities to enter on a regular basis. Well I finally won one of those giveaways, SCORE! I won a $50 gift certificate from Belvedere Designs, which designs vinyl wall quotes and wall art for your home. Naturally, I'm getting a kitchen wall quote to give my laughably small kitchen some much needed charm, especially because I'll be spending considerably more time in there during the winter months. Because I am probably one of the pickiest people on the face of the planet, I'm having them make a custom wall quote just for me. But it doesn't end there. During my magnificent Spanish/Moroccan vacation, I bought some food related postcards with the intent of framing and hanging on my kitchen wall, and I plan to artfully display them around my internationally themed wall quote. Take that Martha Stewart!

So I want to send a big thank you to the BonBon Rose Girls and Belvedere Designs! And I promise to share pictures when everything is set up!

Boot Love

As promised, the boots are making their blog debut!
These boots were made for struttin', and that's just what I did when I wore them out Saturday night.

I <3 boots!

Awesomeness

Because when you can't control anything else in your life, you can always control your blog. and make it more awesome...

¡Hola Guapos! [I really need to start practicing my Rosetta Stone again, because my Spanish vocabulary is still tragically limited, but I digress...]

Just a heads up [after the fact], I've made some big changes to my comment section. I love getting comments from you guys, and I have been wanting to make the commenting experience more interactive. Now since Blogger refuses to avail it's loyal users with a variety of options for comment management and interaction like certain other blog platforms [word press], I have had to take matters into my own hands. ::sidebar:: I just realized that more often than not, I'm prone to taking matters into my own hands to get what I want. Go me! I also just realized that that very aspect of my very being is WHY my now 17 month job search has me at the very edge of reason. Le sigh:: So in order to facilitate a more interactive comment and reply experience on this lovely blog of mine, I've installed the Disqus comment service. You can check out that in my last blog post, I individually responded to your comments. *Akeem voice* Isn't that wonderful?

But wait, there's more!
If you so choose, you can create your own profile on Disqus (or link your various social networking accounts to create a disqus profile) AND opt in for email notification on replies from myself or other blog followers on your comments. I know you're probably thinking you don't feel like setting up another profile on another website, etc. etc. But it's up to you. You can still comment without setting up a Disqus profile, it's completely up to you. Soooo there you have it. Pure Awesomeness

*Coming to America reference. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I highly suggest you Netflix it immediately.

An Ode to Shopping: The Anti-Rant

{Source}

Too often in life we lose sight of life's simple pleasures, because there are far too many greedy dumb ass corporate CEOs who put profits [and by profits I mean obscene executive salaries that on average are 42 times greater than their lower level employees, plus golden parachute packages, stock options, and other benefits that lowly state employees such as myself could only dream of] ahead of the cardinal rule of business: [at least as far as I'm concerned] customer service is EVERYTHING. If you hadn't guessed it, I'm one of those customers. You know the type that really doesn't appreciate stores trying to run me for my money, and won't hesitate to complain about crap service/products and will gladly boycott an establishment if they suck. However, every once in a while, a retailer pleasantly surprises you. Well today I was pleasantly surprised, not once, but twice! But damned if I didn't earn it! This story started off on the rocks. See right what had happened was...I've been stalking this pair of boots since August. Just to be clear*, these boots are TO. DIE. FOR: high end, sexy, bold color, fit my anorexic baby calves like a glove--everything a boot snob/addict such as myself lives for. So after putting in my due diligence and waiting until I had the money for them [then spending that money on other more pressing needs] and waiting for them to be stocked in my size and color, it seemed today that my efforts were in vain.

Things started going downhill when I talked to  Zappos.com customer rep today and was told that the order of the boots in my size in color that I was expecting last week had been cancelled, and there were no pending future orders to restock. I was tempted to tell the rep online that that was an EPIC FAIL on the part of Zappos, and was fixin' to giver her a piece of my mind about it. But I decided against it, because at the end of the day, it wasn't going to change anything. So with an major side eye to Zappos, I decided to take drastic measures. Based on a customer review saying that the boot ran half a size larger than true size (even though I know differently because I tried them on in my size in the store and they fit perfectly) I ordered the LAST pair of 8.5s in the color of my heart's desire. I was willing to risk it, and with free two way shipping, I had nothing to lose.

But me being me, I wasn't satisfied. So I called the Nordstrom store that I originally tried the boots on--in New Jersey-- and that to date is the only store I have seen carry the color I want. And sure enough, they had one size 9 left! Success! But you see, the story doesn't end there. Nordstrom understands that customer service is EVERYTHING. The gentlemen on the phone first informed me that I was going to have to pay $10 for shipping--naturally, I was less than enthused. Sensing my frustration [and by sensing I mean, remembering my snippy comments about the lack of availability of common shoe sizes and the epic fail on the website for not carrying the color that I wanted] the customer service rep said he would see what he could do for me, considering I was already going to have to pay Maryland sales tax on my New Jersey purchase. Yeah, that's some bullshiggity. After about ten minutes, I learned that the guy on the other end of the phone, Craig, was a 20 year retired veteran of the U.S. Air Force, loved Chrisette Michelle, and that I MUST see her in concert (bonus points to you, sir!), that the Mary J. concert in NY last week was amazing, and that he had found a way to waive the shipping charge AND put double emphasis on the specific shipping address so that the lazy f*cktards at UPS don't "accidentally" deliver it to the wrong office building again. Because it was an over-the-phone order to a store, Craig also provided his employee information and store number, and assured that my credit card information would be destroyed as soon as the transaction processed.  Craig and Nordstrom, I tip my hat in thanks to you. Your efforts at efficient and pleasant customer service keep me returning to this very expensive retail establishment several times a year, without regret. I LOVE IT. But it keeps getting better. I had to cancel my order with Zappos, so I had to call their customer service. Immediately, an automated greeting picked up and offered a few option prompts. While the recording had a little too much sunshine in it for my tastes, [seriously, it was like Rachel freakin Ray was on the phone] I did appreciate having something to listen to rather than silence. The process to cancel my order was super easy, the agent was super nice [and yes, I was totally imagining her as one of the TV puppets while she talked] AND she offered me membership to Zappos VIP, which provides me with free overnight shipping on all my future purchases. I've never even ordered anything from them before, and I'm already getting perks. Score! I think they felt bad for not having my size. Their guilt is my gain, and their customer service reps were just so damn nice, it sounded like they actually like their jobs, and positive energy is contagious.

So today, instead of wanting to bitch slap someone over the phone, I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't cheap, but you get what you pay for, and what I got is boots! Yay me! And I purposly haven't included a photo of the boots until I have them on my feet, struttin' around town.

*To further clarify, I know this is not a fashion blog. I would never consider myself a fashionista, mostly because I find the behavior of the fashion industry (and most fashion bloggers for that matter--even though I do follow several fashion blogs religiously) to be utterly ridiculous and/or reprehensible [size 00 gappy tooth white women as the standard of beauty?! FAIL!! Faux fur vests? Sleeveless coats? Socks with heels?! Please stop!]. On most days, I roll out of bed and leave my house looking like who shot John and went to work, because I no longer care. BUT, I do clean up real nice when I'm not dragging myself in to that crap hole I call my office. And I do love me some boots. And that my friends, is what matters.

10 Things I Hate....A Rant Story

Hola Guapas. I know, it's been far too long since my last post, I apologize, but I just haven't been feeling it lately. And by feelin it, I mean feeling anything. It's like I've been walking around with a personal storm cloud above my head that keeps snuffing out my will to do anything other exist and watch hours of mindless reality TV [Thursdays=Jersey Shore... oh yeah!]. I'm not a fan of this feeling, so right now I'm taking proactive measures to get my shit together. And my first step, is to let off a little steam. Hence, I bring you A Rant Story...

*Disclaimer*
Lots of profanity laced ranting about really random stupid shit that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of life is about to ensue. Lots. You've been warned...

1. Flip flops on men outside of the beach. Men wearing flip flops in any other setting really makes me cringe. I dunno maybe I've seen 10 too many men with ugly ass, finger-like toes with black or yellow nails, fungus crusted, runaway slave looking man-feet in raggedy ass flip flops walking around college campuses and/or Baltimore City to last me a lifetime. To the white guy in Starbucks--how is it even possible for your feet to look like a runaway slave's?! Do you understand how traumatic it was to see that shit just out in the open? I literally almost threw up on the fucking floor! The only thing worse than ugly man feet+raggedy ass flip flops is ugly man-feet+raggedy ass flip flops in jeans/slacks/suit. For this crime you deserve to be publicly beaten with a pair of dress shoes by men far more fashionable than you!!


2. People, far too often women, who don’t dress appropriately for their size. And I’m not talking about the ig’nant ass debate about whether plus size women can wear skinny jeans [some can, most can’t, but I’ll not delve into that]. I’m talking about the shit observed on websites like People of Walmart, Hot Ghetto Mess, and various facebook albums and groups nationwide, where various excess body parts [back rolls, stretch marks, side boob, front butt, etc] are either hanging outside of their clothing, or protruding through their extra medium outfit. These bitches and ninjas should know they are dead ass wrong, and quite frankly, I consider that shit to be indecent fucking exposure.  But somehow, they always seem blissfully ignorant of their hot mess situations, if not defiant of social norms and mores. To the woman in Walmart last week, whose breasts were at minimum a G cup spilling out of what appeared to be a D cup bra [no bullshit!] yes bitch, I did just look at you dirty for looking a hot ass mess! Go find yourself a damn bra in your size, and until then, have the decency to wear a big chunky sweater so I cannot clearly see the outline of that small ass bra you squeezed yourself in. Matter fact--how did you even get it closed in the back?? One of these days, this shit is going to land me in a fight. And I'll scratch a bitches eyes out...

3. Fox News Channel. I can respect a politically conservative point of view [albeit, I'm a liberal/progressive/yellow belly bleedin' heart democrat, and proud the fuck of it]. I’m just as worried about the damn deficit and national security just like everyone else. But Fox News is a feeding ground for pure shiggity, bigotry, ignorance, and unpatriotic levels of ridamndiculousness and Obama bashing Every. Single. Day. Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Star Parker, Rush Limbaugh, Anne Coulter, Sean Hannity, Michelle Malkin and crew can KICK. FUCKIN’. ROCKS. You all are miserable souls, and GOD DON’T LIKE UGLY!

4. Bad drivers. The turn signal was invented for a fucking reason, SO BLOODY USE YOURS! If I am a pedestrian, and you are making a turn, I HAVE THE RIGHT OF FUCKIN WAY YOU TRICK ASS WHORE! I declare, if I have to dodge one more turning vehicle in Baltimore city, I’m gonna fuckin lose it! WHY DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE A RIGHT turn expeditiously?! You are NOT supposed to come to a complete stop in order to turn, MOVE BITCH! Asian drivers—you suck. Women drivers—you suck. Men drivers—this is NOT the fast and the fucking furious, get over yourselves! A merge lane means GET YOUR ASS THE FUCK OVER BEFORE the lane runs out, you lazy piece of trash! WHY WHY WHY don’t people know how to drive?

5. The Baltimore City accent. No, I’m not “Frum Baltimo’ ”, I’m from Jersey bitch, where we learned how to speak a better brand of English, even in Camden. Kona is a cute dog, not a cute dug! Why do y’all just sound plain illiterate?*
*all of the Baltimore natives that I’m friends with don’t sound like this, at all. They may have a twang, because Maryland is, after all, south of the Mason-Dixon, but their accents don’t make my insides cringe.

6. Speaking of speaking—people who just don’t know how to speak or write the English language properly. Learn how to properly conjugate your damn verbs, user proper tenses, etc! Why do you not know the difference between their, there, and they’re?! Irregardless is NOT A FUCKING WORD. This rage now extends to facebook status because “dis” “dey” “ma” “swag” etc have been used far too egregiously and indicate that you may not know the proper way to write English anymore (or if ever). What the fuck were y’all doing in school all those years? Every time you open your mouth and massacre the English language, God murders a puppy! Go read a book and save the puppies!

7. People who would be quick to call me a snobby/bougie bitch because of the previous two bullet points. And to you I still say go read a book—and not that bullshit from Zane or Eric Jerome dickey if you're over the age of 20. Go read grown up books, The Audacity of Hope is a good place to start. Now runtelldat, homeboy!

8. People who refuse to try anything new. Xenophobia is not a good look and I just have zero patience for close minded bullshit. It’s one thing to know what you like, being comfortable with what's familiar, and being apprehensive about new things.  But it's another thing to be staunchly against learning/experiencing/doing anything outside of the familiar. It's no bueno, I can't tolerate it, and you will be left behind.

9. People who suck at life in general. You know who I’m talking about. Those folks that don’t have the sense God gave a goose, consistently make BAD DECISIONS, don’t learn lessons, and then wonder why their life is always a hot ass mess. Folks who are too weak to stand on their own two feet, and always need some body's help. And my least favorite, the people who just can’t handle the stresses of life, and fall apart every other week, and use coping vices like cigarettes, sex, alcohol, or shopping to make themselves feel better, as if the E! True Hollywood Story hasn’t taught us that those sort of behaviors are ALWAYS a recipe for disaster. I used to have a friend or two who exhibited these qualities. Notice I said, “used to”…

10. My job search. It's seems to be never ending. the more research I do, the less qualified I feel, and I'm smack in the middle of a slump. I've let two job postings expire before submitting my resume. I just couldn't muster up the energy to submit my resume. I'm not feeling this "feeling". Hopelessness, apathy, and self doubt seem to be stalking me. And they are pissing me the fuck off! I'm tired of having to give myself a pep talk just to get through the work day. Tired of being grateful to have just have a job. I've been grateful for two damn years, it's time for a new job! SO FUCK THIS! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I kinda feel better. Kinda.

World Cup, Top Chef, Viva Africa!

Merry World Cup Friday everyone!

In case you didn't know, today is the first day of the World Cup hosted by South Africa, and yes I did make sure I watched kick off this morning! I'll be honest with you, I'm not the sports fan I used to be, and the sports fan that I used to be never really watched futbol. But this year is different. This year is special. This is the first time ever an African nation is hosting the World Cup. That's a pretty big deal, because if you hadn't noticed, Africa is the most marginalized and misunderstood continent--get that--continent in the world. So in the spirit of Their Eyes Were Watching Africa, I'm now a futbol fanatic! Adding to my African Nationalist excitement is the sweet realization that I will be in España during the tail end of the World Cup. I have a sneaking suspicion that there will be an endless supply of debauchery, Spaniards, and Me+3!  Allá donde fueres, haz lo que vieres!* VIVA AFRICA!

I feel it! this is my favorite picture.
pictures 'courtesy' of BBC

picture 'courtesy' of CBS
I would be more than flattered if enough people found my blog to make a stink about me stealing pictures.

As if that weren't enough, this month's issue of Vanity Fair would make a blind woman see, a sighted woman, such as myself, inappropriately whisper sweet nothings to the men on the cover while in the check out line at Whole Foods.

GOOOOOOOOL!

U.S.A.! Viva Africa!

Moving on. Wait, take one more good look at those pics. Now we're moving on.

It shouldn't surprise you that I'm a Top Chef fanatic. Wednesday marked the finale of the Top Chef Masters, and the final 3 contestants were Susur Lee, Rick Moonen, and Marcus Samuelsson.

I have personally been a fan of Marcus Samuelsson for years. He's an Ethiopian Chef with world class talent and recognition! Samuelsson is known for his ability to meld his Ethiopian heritage and Swedish upbringing to create his internationally fused cuisine. More importantly, he is painfully aware of the lack of dialogue of Africa within the culinary world, and has made it his mission to change that. Which is why I was so thrilled when he won, and now has the title of Top Chef, Master.  I couldn't prouder!

Marcus, you are Top Chef, Master!

And the fact that he is easy on the eyes doesn't hurt either.

It's been a good week for Africa. I'm ecstatic.

VIVA AFRICA!

*via wiki-quotes forgive me if the translation is off