Monday, April 5, 2010


So Friday was a rough day.  Because I got an email from a job I submitted my resume to back in February  And they said thanks, but "no, thanks". Ouch.

It's not that rejection isn't expected in my job search. I mean I've only been looking for a new job since May 2009 (along with 3 million other Americans).  Since then, I've probably submitted 6421 resumes and cover letters, and have had 2 interviews, 1 for a job I wanted--ouch to that rejection email, and 1 for a job I didn't want nor apply to but went anyway--and it was a disaster.  

I KNOW that I should be grateful to have a job. I AM GRATEFUL. Because as far as I know, I have a job until July--I'm contractual, remember?

I KNOW that this job market is terrible, and that people far more talented and qualified than me are out of work and can't get work.

I KNOW that I must "focus more on my desires more than my doubts, and the dream will take care of itself"

I KNOW that I must be steadfast in my faith.  "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.-Philippians 4:6.

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW! But guess what? Right about now, none of that shit matters!. That stupid email that was chock full of phrases like "stronger candidates" and "promising future" really got me down. It's not so much the fact that I didn't even get an interview [trying not to be bitter], its the fact that with each rejection comes the feeling that I'm NEVER going to get out of this job--and that thought is enough to make want to do something that looks a little like this:

minus me being a white, male, and 2 years old.

When I got this job, I was only planning on staying two years with the expectations that I would have opportunities to grow professionally, be challenged by the work I do, and feel valued and/or needed at this job.  With my two year anniversary giving me dirty looks, none of the stated expectations ever having been met, the thought of working here for another year is enough to make go digging through the cabinets for a sharp plastic knife and ending it all at my desk right now. [I'M NOT SERIOUS, I SAID IT FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT, PLEASE DON'T PUT ME ON SUICIDE WATCH! (as if i would, I'm going to Spain in July, and who would take care of Kona?!)]

I know I'm wallowing in self pity. Guess what? I don't care. I know self pity is completely pointless. Guess what? I still don't care.
I want a new job, I want out of Baltimore, I want the people I had a phone interview for the perfect job to call me back for a real interview already! [now accepting prayers, well wishes, shooting stars, etc] I want to not lose my marbles over this. I want I want I want!

I need to get over it.

Back my regularly scheduled job searching now...


  1. I'm so sorry to hear your got the "no thanks" notice from your dream job. I know how that can be so discouraging! I hear it all the time too...I should be soooo "grateful" for having a job at all, but there's nothing wrong with wanting more. I, too, have to get on the job hunt. I have sent my resumes here & there, but nothing where I really hopeful. Job searching kinda reminds me of dating a bit. You have to kiss a lot of ass...(I mean frogs) before your find the right one!

  2. thanks maddy. job hunting is like dating, its full of emotion and drama, and can literally make you crazy. but i know that it will happen when its supposed to, I think God is trying to teach me patience. so the search continues. and good luck on your job search as well :)



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